"Why daugther is different from daugther in law?"
Emily raised this question to me this morning. She has been facing the super natural conflict between mother and daugther-in-law. this is a norm for those newly wed wife. I am sure all the girls today are well pampered by their own parents and so to me too. mom nowsaday wills try to cover as much as homeworks rather than letting their beloved children to do it. and thus, most of the children nowsaday do not know how to do even a simple housework. but the situation will soon changed towards the other way when a lady is got married to a man. she got to take up all the houseworks-sweeping, mopping, cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning..... non of a girl can stands for this kind of changes in short term.
The relationship between mother and daugther in law is the hardest thing to deal with. this situation cannot be avoided altogther beacuse in the Asian culture, when a woman is married to the son of a family, her husband's mother is expected to live with the family and expected daugther in law to take over her responsibility of taking care the family.
We, as daugther-in-law have no choice but only do the part as well as you can! we cannot avoided from this so called "responsibility". I practice this by do it quietly most of the time and of course escape from doing it sometime (provided my parents in law love travelling nowsaday). this is not easy to practice. i did many complaints to darling too. he cannot helps with the complaints too. who should him sided?one is his mom and the other one is his beloved wife? i stop complaining now as i know it doesn't work.
Change, change, change.......
learn, learn, learn.....,
adapt, adapt, adapt......
i'm sure things will work out better in one day.
My mom-in-law used to be a super demanding woman due to her sucessful life in the past. she has high authority in the family. the pressure from her never stop to reach me these few years when his son dated with me on the first day. i should say i already used to her super demanding behaviour before marry to his son but the way she treats her in law is what i really endorsed. She is taking very good care of her only dad-in-law, treating him like her own father. this explained why she is hoping to get the same from me now. i am trying......at least, i am touch when my mom-in-law gave me a hug when darling is on long travelling trip just to comfort me. at least, my dad-in-law is treating me good, he wills scold everyone in the family but he never did it to me. at least, both of them is telling to others and to me too, i am their daugther.
so, i guess maybe one day the formulation will change where daugther = daugther-in-law.
the conflict and the stress is always there especially for those newly wed couple. marriage doesnt meants for the only two of you, but it's about the unite of two families. it is hard enough to get a culture balance between husband & wife, so dont think it willl be easier when come to two big families. It's actually 100...XX harder.
well, i dont meant to give any suggestion or comment on this issue here. i am just share to you the way i overcome this super natural problem.
Did you stay with your parent inlaw??
ReplyDeleteI guess i dun have that problem with my inlaw because we have our own place, and only went over for dinner once everyweek. she never ask me or let me do housechores at her place, she felt embarassed she say. at home, we split housechores between liwi and i. AM i lucky??
But that said, i dun think mother inlaw will ever = mother, our relationship is more like friends, and i dun even call her mum, we call each other by name. guess is the cultural diffrence, as she's been living in sydney for 10 years plus. For me, i think respect and trust are very important, she has to gain my respect and like wise, i have to too. I dun think you have to place yourself in a lower position in your inlaw family, show your confidence and your own way of managing your family, your home, and they in return, will look at your diffrently, and respect you as a responsible adult.
Hope you have a wonderful blessful relationship with the extended family. Sometime, if you treat them like friends rather than compare it with your own family, they become more lovable.
i hope this will be my condition in one day where my mom in law is too demanding. i have my own way to manage my own family(we are staying separately but in the same compound, two detached house in one land) but the problem is she is still control us. she wanted evrybody to follow her instruction ecactly and she will on ly be happy if u are acting i the way she want.
ReplyDeletebecareful she read your blog! haha!
ReplyDeleteOne of my friend's mother inlaw read her blog and she didn't know it, and very funny thing happen!!
yeah, i agree is harder back in Malaysia where tradition is very much inplay. My inlaws family are very modernised people, so we have lot's of freedom. You're just newly married, i'm sure you'll fit in just fine!!
this is a good topic to read:
http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/home/five-tips-for-bringing-out-the-best-in-your-motherinlaw-20090602-btfh.html
well, overall she is treating me good despite of something she is really demanding on.
ReplyDeletehihi
i'm sure you'll be fine!! Enjoy the life of being a wife!!
ReplyDeleteok. i will. should have to learn your culture.
ReplyDelete