JESS's HoME

Hahndorf, a german village SA

2011-11-30T06:49:00.001+08:00

Hahndorf is the oldest surviving German Village in Australia and is a popular tourist destination. Many of the original buildings and traditions have been retained and Hahndorf's village atmosphere is complimented by a myriad of cafes and speciality shops.The Hahndorf township is just 20 minutes from the city along the South Eastern Freeway. Hahndorf is a short drive from Mount Barker, the Adelaide Hills' main shopping and business hub.

Historic Hahndorf Academy was a respected school of higher learning, where many students became prominent citizens. The building was later used as a seminary, then a hospital. It was doomed to be demolished until rescued by Mr Wotzke. The Academy is now a gallery with exhibitions and artists in residence. There is also a fine German Folk Museum depicting early days of Hahndorf.

The traders of Hahndorf originate from many parts of the world and have introduced new flavours in the tree-lined main avenue. There are a number of quality galleries with gift shopping to rival the best in Adelaide. Several craftspeople manufacture and showcase their unique wares in Hahndorf. Souvenirs can be readily purchased and some great fashion shops will please the ladies.

The founding of Hahndorf is a colourful piece of South Australian history. German immigrants, escaping religious persecution from Prussia arrived in the ship Zebra and established the village. It was named iHahndorf in honour of Captain Hahn, the ship’s captain. He had been sympathetic and had assisted them to become established in Hahndorf.Many of the quaint cottages are accessible in the main street, most in original condition except for iron roofs, that have replaced shingles and thatch. In some cottages, the shingles may be seen underneath.

Authentic German food is served in Hahndorf, as well as modern Australian and European cuisine, country style cooking, great coffee and delectable cakes. German sausage and smallgoods are available. There are also Icecream and sweet shops for the young and young at heart.

The trees along the street are over 100 years old and are an attraction. A guide to them can be obtained from the Tourist Centre in the main street.Hahndorf is surrounded by meadows and some majestic gum trees can be seen, a favourite subject of South Australia’s legendary artist Sir Hans Heysen. He lived and entertained at the The Cedars, his property on the outskirts of Hahndorf. His Bavarian style studio remains much as he left it. Heysen’s love of the stately gum trees shows in his works and his depiction of workmen and country life around Hahndorf have immortalised the scenes.(adapted from http://www.exploringaustralia.com.au/showplace.php?p=92)

I like the place, not because of it's sausage but it's the atmosphere that attracted me the most. the way they carried out their life, their business are just so differ from us.

Adelaide, SA trip.

2011-11-22T14:02:00.005+08:00

another delayed post again. it's dorcas that reminded me i havent blog for the past few months. i actually have lots to write , just that time is the matter. my girl, eryn is growing so well which means i need to spend more time with this little learner now. her curiosity is always beyond her age. she wants to know everything i do. and nowsaday, takling to her is one of the most common thing we do. she likes to explore the world outside her playyard as well too. holding her littlee hand in my big palm is one of the most blissful thing every afternoon, showing her the veges my in law planted in our backyard. even with her age of 18 months, she can recognize many type and the names of the veges and fruits now. dont she is a clever adorable girl? to us, yeap she is.
well, we make our plan comes true in sept. we were flying to adelaide with our little girl. althought this is not her first experiece to fly in a plane, but to us this still another challenge moment as we really cant foreseen what will happen in our 8 hrs flight, will adapt to the temperature in adelaide? what if she is not cooperate with us??? but thanks God that we had good time in adelaide if minus the part i felt sick.

dinner at kuchng airport

special thanks to alliance bank that we able to access to this premium longue during our transitting time.

my little girl was so excited and she wanted to explore every part of the airport

the cabin crew provided a basinet for Eryn, and she is actually too big for the basinet. we dont care, as long as she slept well and the basinet can hold up to 15kgs(my eryn is still fit for this)
. we met a very friendly and helpful crew this time.big clap for the lady though i cant remember her name. well, one thing to complain, Mas international meal menu is very lousy now. look at our food and you will have a clear picture...anyway we still enjoy the food~nasi lemak, malysian famous food.

we touched adelaide at 6am, 11 sept. and we are welcomed by our cousin, gregory. thanks to him that sacrifices his sleep time and catch us in the airport at this hour. we have lots relatives in adelaide and this saved us alots of accomodation expenses as well too. we are well pampered by our aunt amy( a sister to my father in law).great hospitality, great foods....

able to visit some places after a good morning nap at aunt amy's house. we had domino's pizza as our lunch. we aint pizza fan but gregory is domino's regional manager and this expained why we had pizza as our first meal in adelaide. we ate for free with extra cheese and meat..but bad thing is my taste buds are all gone due to my sickness. all in all, its still a good catch up with greg and his wife, jiajia.

Glenelg, our first stop. we went straight to this beach side suburb after we left greg's place. Nothing special for us, took some pictures and went back for afternoon nap. husband went on for his fishing programme with greg.

Hahndorf, a german village at adleaide hills.

some snaps in this little town.stay tune, more to comes for this special small township.

to my love, eryn

2011-09-06T08:20:00.004+08:00

In the past, I always dreamed to have a kid. I always like the feeling of being surrounded by kids. But I never knew that I will be a mother to a kid at this age until we found out I'm actually pregnant in one of the afternoon two years ago. all my dreams have became reality just because of the two lines appear on the HPT. evrything were so great and we praised the Lord for this precious life in our family

the arrival of my princess is not an accident but we called it as a fate. she is the darling and she is the idiolt too. she brings hapinnesses and she bring disappointments too. what ever she is, we are so contented to bring her up till now. Time passed so fast and she has now grown up to a infant and soon she will be a toddler. she is no more a crawling baby but a walking baby. she is no more (of course still crying but not that frequent) a crying baby but a talking baby now. She is now much differ from the time i first saw her in OT room. Being the only child of mine, she is the princess, she is the darling, she is the everything of us.

I enjoyed very moment spend with my lil girl. she is so lovely to an extend that i couldnt find a word to describe her.being a full time mother, i spend all my days and nights with this lil girl. the bond is so strong and i just feel like it's getting harder for me to let go her. i am with her from her first breath till now, I'm with her from her first cry till now, I'm with her from she first smile to me till now......i couldnt remembered how many times i cleaned her stool, i couldnt remembered how many times i bath her, i couldnt remembered how many sleepless night i had but one thing for sure is I know my girl is grwoing well.

Along the years, i did complaint, i did gave up and i was disappointed at times too. I doubted with my sacrifices when she is not bahaving at the way i wish she to be.I never knew that all my sacrifices are worth enuough until she started to call me "mama". Yeap, I am a mom to a child now. I know i have every responsiblity to her until the end of my life in this world and I just pray that we will be able to give her the best life whenever possible.

2011-04-09T10:06:00.003+08:00

Thanks God for this lovely child.....We are gifted to a priceless gift.

Eryn is going to be 11 months old in another few days and yet I found I didnt write about her growth progress quite some time already.

Time really passess so fast and I even didnt realized my daugther is going to be 1 year old soon. She is pretty much the same as she is 9 months old but she is really getting smarter by now. She can understands many simple words like sleep time, milk time, bath time, wee-wee, no, coem to mommy etc...and knows how to wave bye bye, shakes her head, clap her hand very well too.. and I just realized how far i have been a mom to a child. It's a complicated mix feeling of being a mother not to say a full time mother. I resigned from my work half an year before I am pregnant and got into as a full time mother after the arrival of my princess. Being a full time mother is not just like any other job. it's the most important job there is and dont ever get a break even when i'm sick. Motherhood is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. no sick days no annual leave, No vacation time. but honestly, it's all worth it to see those beautiful smiling face everyday.

Though it is harder that I expected and even tougher than any other job, but I enjoyed every moment spare with my daughter. seeing how she grow from a baby into an toddler now. she is no longer a sleeping baby but an active baby now. and she is on her learning process to call mommy(in fact, she knew how to call daddy last month). I have no other word to describe how my feeling is when she is holding me tight. she is just part of me from the date she got attached to my uterus wall.

People start asking us when do we plan to go for the second one. Well, we have no plan in the meantime. We hope to give our best love to our first daugther till the day when we are well prepared for the second one. Husband always told me, he will be happy too if Eryn turn to be our only child. Deep in my heart, i hope to have another brother or sisiter for Eryn so that she will learn to share every thing in her life and even her parent's loves.

Innocent

2011-03-31T14:45:00.002+08:00

The topic tells clearly what i temted to blog about today. I received a birthdya greeting from my friend this morning and did some chit chat with her through FB. but the at the end of the day, i found out that i turn to be a Kepo-ma. this is funny and i would said the so called girl is type of innocent. don't she think that she is a bit over reacted over this matter plus this is non of her business too. I resigned from the job 2 years ago and I really wish to have a peace of mind ever since i left the place. It's not i dont get a good benefit from there instead i did. It's not I am not happy with the boss, it's not because I don't like the wok environment. I left with a very special reason and i did this for my future child. but the gossips from the Super gossip lady is a never ending story.She can have any topic if i did some contacts with my ex-colleagues. I have every right to contact with any people and i have every right to talk about them as long as i neither hurt them nor bringing harm to them. I just hope to end the story here and i wish this super gossiper wills read my blog about her. yeap, lady listen. I have already left this place and i have my right to keep touch with any body i like. I have my right to voice out and even talk to other, i dont think i have to consult you before i start my conversation. you are just like dust in my life and i suppose can ignore all your unecessary comments or rubbish opinions but you are really kind of disturbance in my peaceful life.I am really thankful and appreciated the arrival of my baby girl in my life. i never doubted about the creation of God and i dont think only good people will get baby boy. hey lady pls pay attention here, good people wont get any child too if they didnt intercourse. only the fertilization of egg and sperm then comes then baby and baby gender is all decided during the course of frertilization. good man himself can decide for a baby gender alone. and you who declaire yourself as a good people, pls do me a favour. stop saying i am kepo-ma as i'm really not kepo if compared with you at least i only kepo about my own life and never bother others. are you too bored or too free, why dont you get yourself a boyfren and try the feeling of being busy with dating out..oopss maybe you couldn't get one and that's explained why u are so free to bother about other's life. Pls let your rubbish mind stop here and give me a peace of mind on my special day!!!!!

Husband birthday

2011-03-14T11:39:00.005+08:00

Here comes the birthday man of the day.
birthday man and his lovely princess

she always has something in hand and mouth

she is always happy with papa and the same to papa too

toy is a compulsory item in her diaper bag..

with mummy, the sponsor of the night..haha!!

There is no more candle light dinner. We always have our girl tagged with us wherever we go
. but i'm sure this is a special night for husband as this is his first birthday with our daugther.

Happy Birthday to the birthday man !!

pre-pregnancy nutrition

2011-03-13T14:43:00.002+08:00

Planning for a pregnancy can be exciting and overwhelming. It's never been a small matter to add a new member in your family--this little precious will require your money, time and energy for at least the next 18 years after birth. However, these are not the important consideration when you are really planning to build a family with a kid for where I seriously think that baby's health should come first than others.

when it comes to pregnancy, thinking ahead can give you and your baby the best possible beginning. Good nutrition isn't only important during regnancy. even if you're just planning to become pregnant, eating a healthy, well-balanced diet is one of the best thing you can do for yourself and your future kid.

This blog is specially for tammy as i learned to know that she is preparing to get pregnant now..

it's all about the diet plan and the life style before you get ready to pregnant. click the link below and it will bring you the info you want http://www.babycenter.com/getting-pregnant .

逸宁八个月成长记

2011-01-12T13:53:00.011+08:00

逸宁已经八个月大了，时间总是过得很快。

她在不知觉中成长了，爸爸常用大baby来形容她。比起别的小孩，我的女儿显得有点小姐，为何这样说呢，她可是非常的怕痛，只要把她放在地上，她会静静地躺着不动，但是如果把她搁在床上，她总是不消片刻，翻得天犯地覆，所以我常说她很小姐很怕痛。

她已经可以自己坐着了，但是还是不敢爬行，目前为止她最本领坐，可以到处去摸搜。

现在的她，可谓是有很严重的怕生，她只会对认识的家人微笑，对外人一概不理睬，有时真的被她搞的很丢脸。所以有时爸爸出门不在家，真的是苦了我这个妈妈，整天把一个整十公斤的孩子扛在肩上。现在的她不再像之前一样，她一天只需要小睡两次，醒来的时间变长了，这也意味着，我所能拥有的时间又变少了，她就算可以静静地坐着玩玩具，也得要我陪在身旁。不过现在我至少看电视的时间变多了，有时我就是把她搁在她的玩乐天地，我就放心的看电视，最长的时间她可以自己玩个半小时，这对我来讲已经非常好了！

带她外出用餐也变得容易了，她在五个多月大时就长了两颗牙齿，所以现在她可以吃很多的婴孩食品了，外出时，只要递给她一些零嘴，他就会安静的享受。

Eryn不断的长大，以为担子会变得轻松，但是并没有，反而觉得越来越承重了，难怪别人都说孩子是父母一生的负担，养育她们并不是问题，塑造她品格并不简单。打从她还是小婴孩开始，别人送礼物她说给她我都会教她说谢谢，晚上睡前一定教她跟我们道晚安，醒来也一样跟她说早安，她打喷嚏时教她说excuse me，虽然她现在不懂，但是我希望借由这样的方法灌输她真确的礼仪。

看在别人眼里我这个妈妈很好当，但其实只有带过孩子的全职妈妈才会了解，这其实不容易，首先自己的生活必须与外面的世界隔绝，再来就是无限的付出和牺牲！不过只要看到孩子不断的健康成长，这一起都是值得的！最近，有很多妈妈问我，什么时候计划多生一个，哈哈！我有这样的打算，但绝对不在未来一年的计划里！我想陪伴我的小逸宁直到她满两岁为止，至少让我好好享受单独与她两年得时间。我不想也没有办法把她搁下，目前为止，不能！

再见了2010！！！！！！

2010-12-31T10:04:00.009+08:00

2010是艰难的一年，最后一个主日时讲员分享时讲的一句话。世界的灾难不断，战争也没停止，只是不管怎么样， 2010，已经成为历史。

今年，是很特别的一年，至少对我来说，这是很特别的一年。我们踏入婚姻的第二年，迎来了我们的爱情结晶。逸宁在五月中旬降生，我选择剖腹把她带来这世界，虽然挨了一刀，虽然肚皮上留下永不消失的疤痕，但看到自己的孩子降生时，一切受德苦都消失。不过虽说孩子是在我们的计划中降临，但她还是让我们措手不及。我从工作退下成为全职妈妈，话说简单，但是其实全职妈妈并不容易。首先是生活上的改变，对一个爱往外跑的我确实是很难适应，每天只能待在家照顾孩子，每天围绕着我的是小孩子的哭声，每天做最多的是换尿布喂奶。。。再来就是心理上的调整，总是无法适应新的生活，总是觉得非常疲惫！但是我还是很感恩，神赐给我这个健康的孩子。

今年过得非常的匆忙。不知是人变老了还是身边的朋友都到了适婚的年龄，看着身边的朋友一个接一个的进入婚姻，自己虽说已不是婚姻的新鲜人物，但还是感染了他们的喜悦，看着他们幸福的挽着对方的手踏入婚姻的国界，看着他们展开人生的另个旅程，我带着真诚的心祝福他们永远幸福。

十月时，匆忙的飞到槟城参加老友的婚礼，心里有个感触，我们真的长大了！与这朋友相遇是十年前的事，那时我们还是个抱着书的女孩，而现在我们已为人妻了，感叹时间真的不待人。。。

最近游览面子书时，总是看到同学孩子的照片。不是流行生孩子，而是大家都到了做父母的年龄。有时我在想是不是每个人都需经过这样的阶段，回想自己是孩子的时候是那么遥远的事，现在自己却已为人妈妈了，走着自己妈妈走过得道路。。。这就是人生吗？我想是吧，只是有些人选择过不同的人生，而这却是我选择的人生。

2010一去，我们带着心爱的女儿进入新的一年，盼望这一年是更美好的一年！

Teething attack

2010-12-21T14:19:00.004+08:00

Lesson 1: Shape

mommy, this star looks yummy

it's really looks good

and I think i need to taste it by my tongue

I better put it into my mouth fast before mommy noticing me

hhhmmmmmm...yummy!

Parent's love

2010-12-07T16:47:00.003+08:00

It's a holiday today.

We visited my aunt this morning. I should said this is a forced visit.my aunt who is 70s and being dignosed final stage brain tumor last month.

She used to be a tough woman for the whole of her life, used to work in the farm with husband for the past 50 years and being never spent a cent to enjoy her life and worst still she never know the fun of travel by airway and now she is seriously sicked. I am sad though i'mm not close to her at all. life can be so fragile and she may even have any plan to leave her family, to wave this wrld a goodbye at the moment but the fact is she will leave anytime....

I am not really upset by her sickness but to me the way her husband and siblings treat her strike me badly. They never take her illness seriously and to them the final stage brain tumor is just like the normal fever. The chemotheraphy is just like a sun bath. I'm really upset to see this. we as siblings to our parent and it's a must for us to take good care of them when we are able to do so(what i mean is when we grew up). We shuold give them the best as we affordable. For what i see from them, they are trying to throw the ball to others. And maybe they are too scared to really look into the problem....

Life is really short and we will never know when is our time to go back to our heavenly father. I wish and I pray that i will do my best to treat my parents well just like they way they brought me up, giving me the chance to explore and educated me. All i have today is from them...yeap i should be thankful and God please bless my parent with a good health!

我回来了。。。。

2010-11-30T13:45:00.003+08:00

消失了好一段时间，原本打算把部落格关了，因为我没有多余的时间在键盘上摸索。

时间真的不待人，又是到了年尾天。年尾其实是一个很温馨的季节，但是人老了就越怕年尾的到来，因为这样意味着，我们的岁数有增长了一年。

这一段时间我都在忙什么呢？我想除了我的女儿还是我的女儿，逸宁已经六个月大了，为了庆祝她半岁生日，她竟然给我生了一场病，真是痛苦的过了她出世以来最难熬的一个星期，生病的那几天，她几乎都在哭泣，每一刻都要抱抱，而且还是一定要妈妈抱抱(当然偶尔也要爸爸抱抱，不然妈妈的手臂有得受了！)可悲的是，女儿病愈了，现在妈妈却病倒了。。。。

孩子慢慢长大，是父母最渴望的。看着她从一个小小的的娃娃慢慢长大成为今天的小可爱(哈哈！)，我的心里其实很激动，她现在可说是非常的顽皮，每次洗好澡要跟她穿衣服，搽护肤品是最艰难的，刚把她放在床上，不休一秒中，她就会翻不见了，常常帮她打扮好后，我已经汗流满脸了。不过，这还是父母最期待看到的，如果她还是静静的任由我摆布，我看那还是真伤脑筋呢！

难以想象，升格为人妈妈已经六个多月的时间了。真的是享尽妈妈们的一切苦与乐。我是全职妈妈，所以我可以说是二十四小时和女儿在一起，她是妈咪的超级粉丝，这一点连爸爸都会吃醋的。她任何时候都会手申长长的要我抱抱，真的士苦乐妈妈，想象我每天必须把8-9公斤的重量背在身上，确实有点吃力！也因为是全职妈妈的关系，我没有了我私人的空间，多怀念一个自由的开着车子到处去的日子，多么怀念一个人追看一个下午连续集的日子，纳何，现在这些日子都离我好远好远，两人行变成了三人行，不是不好，只是很怀念过去！

我常常跟外子说多希望我们的孩子快点长大，那至少我可以找回我失去的自由。不是没钱把孩子送给保姆，只是如果现在把孩子送给保姆，我想我会不习惯，除了上次出门没把她带在身旁外，这孩子从来就不成离开我们的身旁。现在比起她小时候，我可谓是更加的忙碌了，她开始吃副食品，每天预备吃的给她，还得有一段上课的时间，我们买了好多的婴儿教材，希望介着这些能早点启发她的脑，每晚睡前又得给她念故事书，现在还更加的忙。。。

Baby cutest contest

2010-10-29T07:54:00.004+08:00

here comes the only photo taken by Micheal photography for the contest...

well, Eryn is not bahaving and moody on the photography session. this explain why the photo not comes as pretty as we expect...haha

it's our anniversary

2010-10-20T15:21:00.004+08:00

this is the present i gave him ...

and i got this from him...

Well, nothing special to blog on this.

We celebrated our annivesary with lots of tragedies. Our princess being the main cause to spoil this beautiful meaningful day. She seems to be very fussy and moody for the whole day and worst still she cried alot on that day. the best way to calm this fussy baby and ease the lovely mom shoulder is to stay home and put her sleep early. so, the dining out plan is ruin by my princess.

And Husband came home very late due to the strong winndy weather these few days which affect most of the manggo treess at our garden and backyard.husband have to help up with the cleaning after work. it's abit too late too for uus to go out after he got home. so he went out and bought something for dinner.

we are just about to start our dinner and husband suddenly complain that his chest is tight and he is short of breathe! Wow..i have no word to describe the situation other than worry! the first thing i can think of is to ruch him to the specialist near by. so i rang up my MIL and ask her to come over to look after my sleeping baby. the night is busy but we are thankful to found out that it's not heart attack(which we are very worried about), it's just because of the muscle pain due to the heavy gardening that evening.

sigh...what's a busy day on my lovely wedding anniversary.

well husband promise to take us out for dinner later and i wish my princess is cooperating tonight to celebrate her parent's wedding anniversary.

though is bad night but thankfully, we are 2 yrs old now!!!!!!!

Happy anniversary!!!!!!!

两年

2010-10-18T17:01:00.002+08:00

今天，进入婚姻的第二年。我感觉时间有点不待人。好像我昨天才披上婚纱嫁人，但时过境迁，我已经不再是新婚夫妇了，我们的婚姻里不再是两个人了。

最近，参加了一场婚礼，看着读书时的好朋友披上婚纱嫁着他人为妻，欢迎着她来到有婚姻的国度，看着她脸上洋溢的幸福，我们不无也感染了这份幸福的美。两年前，披上白纱挽着爸爸的手腕踏上红地毯的那一幕犹如是昨天的一景一幕，看着照片上的自己，看着自己脸上洋溢着的喜悦，看着自己眼神里对婚姻的瞳景与期待，这一切一切像一幅画出现在脑海里。。。

两年的婚姻生活，有优美的，有感伤的，有感恩的，有失望的，有欢笑，也有眼泪。。。。
两年，对我是一个很大的转变，我从\职场退下，我回到自己的家族生意。后来，孩子降临之后，我又从工作完全的抽离，成为一个全职妈妈。我用两年走过别人也许用上十年二十年走过的道路，这是一个很大的转变！

回忆这两年与老公共度的时光，只能说时间过得太快，我们没能好好的捉住每一刻。有时候甚至错过了许多美好的机会！不过，在这婚姻的国度里，我们找到了自己的港口，找到了一个自己可以停泊的港口；我们找到了一个知己，找到了生命的伴侣。这是婚姻的唯美！

记得曾在一本书上读过这么一段话：婚姻打破了数学的铁律，让一加一等于一。而那个一并不是由两个一半组成的整体，乃是有两个不同的个体所组成的一个崭新的受造物，也就是在婚姻里的我们。一直觉得这句话很有意思，虽然偶尔还是很难认同婚姻里的合一，但是唯有彼此愿意屈服时，这个一才会凸显它的意义！

累累累。。。

2010-10-06T09:33:00.002+08:00

好久没有上来了。
最近，只有一个字可以形容，忙忙忙。。。。。

逸宁四个月大了，变得越来越顽皮，她醒着的时间都要人陪，虽然我买了许多的玩具，以为她可以自己打发，但是看来我还是太天真了，她无论如何就是要一个伴。所以我所有的时间就是等于她的了，她虽然还是一天会有三次的小睡时段，但是我还是很难找到自己的时间，每天就好像和时间赛跑，总有做不完的家务，洗不完的衣服，烫不完的衣服，还要给她冲凉，喂奶。。。。

我，觉得好累！好不不容易，上？周末有个偷闲的机会，但是却把自己搞的更累。我盼望时间过得快点，我好想念一觉到天亮的满足感，好怀念可以静静享受一盘的食物，好期待能好好的放松自己。。。

累，不是因为每天需要做着重覆的东西，而是因为就算我作得再怎么好，我的前面背后都有很多声音。
两个星期前，很不幸的病倒了，我还是一样的自己照顾逸宁，根本不用想把她交给别人，最后不但没迎来赞美，还被家公责备说我因为没作运动所以才生病。哦，我的天呀。。。眼泪当下流出来，我不是没有父母的孩子，你们怎么可以这样对待别人的女儿，换着是我的父母，他们只要听到我不舒服，就会很关心！当时候我也不管他是我的长辈了，我回应他说，要我怎么作运动，谁来帮我看孩子，我去运动，那我的孩子怎么办！！！！他竟然会我说：可以早点起来运动。他难道不知道晚上我要起身喂奶，我睡眠已经很有限了，在早起，我很快会到下来。

心里头的委屈，没有人能了解。为什么自己的女儿迟醒就是天公地议，作媳妇的却要早起，为什么女儿可以吃饱就挥衣袖走人，却要一个抱着孩子的媳妇来善后。逸宁六个星期大时，老公出门公干，我自个儿带着孩子守着这房子，每天对着我的孩子，妈妈看了可怜我，所以就到家来帮忙，但是后面却有声音！和婆家虽然住得相当的近，但是我还是需要亲力亲为，不敢奢望我可以把孩子放下。孩子到来之后，家婆即可就想我提出校我会公司帮忙，说什么她会帮忙代孩子，但是问题是她的社交活动很多，我岂可期待她来帮我带孩子。有时候老公看我忙得气建议请个女佣来减轻我的负担，但是我却不敢点头，因为家婆说了他要请个女佣来帮她拔草，而且需住在我家但却不是帮我代孩子，与其这样，我到不如不要点头让一个的三者住在家，却没给我带来人和益处。。。

再来每天都是我和女儿在一起，我无微不至的付出，到后来我只领功的却是偶尔才抱抱她的奶奶，真是气人！！

我只想上来申诉，没有任何意思。

孩子受洗记

2010-09-20T08:27:00.005+08:00

孩子还在肚子里时，我们就一直有这样的打算，让她在婴孩的时候领洗，成为上帝的孩子，也一直琢磨着希望给我们主持婚礼的那位牧师可以为我们的第一个孩子受洗。

这一天终于来了， 12/9/2010，我们把孩子的名记载生命册上。。。

孩子是上帝牵着她的手把她带来这世上的，今天她的名字已归在主的名下，让她一身都跟从主直到永远。。。

It's all about me!

2010-08-24T09:19:00.003+08:00

I have not blog for quite sometimes. it's not because i have run out of idea what to write but it's all about time concern. I run out of time nowsaday and 24hrs seem to be too short for me.

I have no time for tv now.
I have no time to shop for new clothes now.
I have no time to go saloon now
I have no time for pedicure nad manidure now.
I have no time to read book now.
I have no time to write something now..

It's really hard to get throught this three months but I am lucky as the time past faster that i never thought to be.

Eryn is growing well and she is awake most of the time now. I need to spend more time to play with her, talk with her, cuddle her now. Well, she is a super cutie and able to make lots of different sounds rather than Coo-coo. I hardly believe that she is here for 3 months time while i feel like I have yet done enough as a mom.

I hate the elder in the church asking me when do we plan to have second one. well, this is not my concern at least for this coming one year time. Most importantly is I had a ceasarean cut which means that i can only try to conceive again when Eryn celebrates her first birthday. and secondly, we had plan for the second one but this wont come so fast and this only will happen after we have our first family trip to australia and hopefully after our second honeymoon too. Trust me, it's not easy to done with the prenancy journey and it's even thousand times harder after the arrival of baby. Although i did enjoyed to grow a baby and really cherished with her every growing process but still my selfish instict did strike me at times too for where i really missed the quiet time we had before the arrival of our baby.

A gathering with old mates

2010-08-09T11:16:00.005+08:00

Last saturday night, Yan called up for a gathering . It's another gathering after the intimate girls talk at Bing two weeks ago.

too bad that Susan and chai peng didnt join us on the night.

the man

The ladies

This night, is a definitely lovely night filled with lots of laugh, memories, critics, suprise. We have been went on separate direction after graduation. it took us 6 years again to gather this much of member. I am so lucky I'm the on of them on the night. Guess what is on the topic? it's nothing others than CRITICS! haha...it's a funny topic, am sure. and the intimate talk comes in between.

It has been 10 years ago when we waved our parents and fly away to a foreign land. We stay under on roof and quarells, conflicts did strike us badly too but when we gather again on this rainy night, these seem to be nothing for us anymore. We are the company of the growing process. we had each other as a companion along these years and there is one thing that we can't denied<>

The topics surround us is never about credit point, exam, assignments....but it's all about life sharing. some said they are committed to a car loan, some said they are commited to a family business, some said they are enjoying a single life and some said they are looking forward to a more settle life.... Lots of changes which drive all of us to a stage we never thought to being this soon. We ain't teenager anymore, we ain't the college boys or girls that wore baby tee and jeans. We are an adult, this is a fact that we realized when we see each other again on this night.

a suprise birthday celebration for Magaret.

It's a great night.....

郁蓝的心情！

2010-07-21T16:59:00.003+08:00

郁蓝色的心情。。。

记不起来，从什么时候开始，心情总是抹上一层灰灰的蓝色，总是摖也摖不去。

因为孩子的降临而变得忧虑，每天从早到晚的为着这么一个幼小的孩子而忙碌，有时候我甚至怀疑自己是怎么走过来的。

因为生活的巨大转变而忧愁，放下工作走进家庭开始，我就一直纳闷，更曾经我想放下家庭回到我的工作岗位。但是总是事与愿违！

孩子降临之后，我好像变成了一个配角，在家里扮演着配角的角色。
不再是老公的中心点，总是被冷落。

我，纳闷。
这就是我要的生活吗？

我，怀疑。
这就是我这一生的结局吗？

我，
无言与对。。。。

逸宁两个月了。。。

2010-07-14T14:44:00.007+08:00

Let's the photos tell the story....

我想给你最好的！

2010-06-04T17:31:00.003+08:00

每个作父母的都想给孩子最好的。怀孕的时候就一直打量该给孩子喂什么奶粉，一直参考别人的意见，后来听一个初认识的友人分享她喂母乳的经历，我不得不为她喂大的付出而惊叹，更深深地打从心里钦佩她。

乍听之下，我也一直盼望我能给我的宝宝喂母乳。我生产的医院是乎并不鼓吹喂母乳，我在医院休养的期间，医护人员都是用奶瓶喂我的宝宝的，所以回到家之后，我尝试给我的宝宝喂母乳，但是每一次都把自己弄得满头大汉宝宝却哭得歇斯底里的，真是累了妈妈又苦了孩子。还好怀孕时我就买下了挤奶器，在无计可施下，我惟有每天勤劳的挤奶。但是任由我再怎么勤劳，我的奶水还是有限，有时更会气馁，尤其是自己已感到万分疲惫气馁时，还得承受他人给我的压力，有时候还会在夜里默默的哭泣。

孩子现在一次的食量是60-80ml，每天需喂奶12次，我的奶水肯定是符合不了她的需求，所以我们还是必不得以的喂配方奶粉，选了很久，后来我们还是选择了羊奶粉，跟据统计，喝羊奶粉的宝宝比较少出现过敏阵状。卡洛塔妮是原自于纽西兰的天然羊奶粉，它和牛奶粉一样含盖基本所需的营养，而且它是最接近母奶的配方。

Karihome

New Zealand's dairy goats are fed on the green and lush pastures of New Zealand. The high quality of food for the goats corresponds directly to the quality of milk that they produce. In most other countries of the world, goats are fed on processed meal and grain. New Zealand goat milk is rich in alpha-s2-casein, and not the alpha-s1-casein variant which is known to cause allergic reactions in some infants. goat milk are nutritionally close to human and have been shown to be an excellent source of nutrition.Goat milk is closer to human because the protein profile is more similiar. Goat milk protein forms smaller and finer curd and has more than double the typical amount of medium chain triglyceride (MCT) in cow milk. Goat milk protein is much easier to digest and absorb and hence children have less incidence of having indigestion or allergy.Goat milk has also been shown to contain high concentration of Epidermal Growth Factor (EGF) that is very low in cow milk. EGF is a natural ingredient in human milk. It promotes gut and cell development and recovery. An enzyme known as Platelet Activating Factor Acetyl Hydrolase, which can break down allergen, has also been isolated from goat milk during research.

The benefits of goat milk

Goat milk has natural bioactive factors such as nucleotides, taurine and polyamine which help to build up the immune system. Absorption of calcium, iron, copper and zinc is higher in goat milk than cow milk. Goat milk is also good for lung, stomach and intestine. So there are fewer incidences of cough, phlegm and indigestion. Feedback from parents that their children's asthma improve after a few months of taking Karihome goat milk.

我很想给孩子最好的，但是基于奶水不足的问题，我也只好作罢。我还是会每天不停的挤奶，希望能有那么一天，我的奶水会符合她的需求，就算不能达到她的需求，我也盼望我能持续的给他喂母奶，直到有一天我停奶为止。

21天的妈妈记

2010-05-28T10:52:00.011+08:00

时间在不知觉中过去，乍看之下我已为人母21天了。第一眼看到自己的孩子时，我有点回不过神的感觉，有点飘飘然的感觉，甚至有点错觉。怀孕期间总是期待快点看到自己的孩子，总是幻想孩子的长像，幻想把自己的孩子抱在怀里的感觉。21天前，总算在手术台上看到了怀了9个月的孩子，我高兴得来不及流泪，恨不得即刻把她拥进怀保。因为手术后有一段康复的时间，所以我也暂时和孩子分开了，再见到她时已经是9个小时之后的事了。再见逸宁时，我只能说神真的很爱我，把这么美的小生命赐给我们！

她，

是个美丽的孩子，因为是我的宝贝所以她变得美丽。
是个特别的孩子，因为是我的产业所以她变得特别。

她，

是我们的新生命！

是我们的襁中宝！

我感谢神，创造了生命，赐予我们这美丽的生命！
我感谢神，垂听了我的祷告，应允了我的祷告！

我感谢神，圆满了我们的家庭！

逸宁，

是我给的名字。涵义着舒适宁静。我希望这孩子的个性是温驯温和的，就像小绵羊般。ERYN是奶奶给的名字，也是取自逸宁的含义。小公主，她长得像爸爸多一点，至少她的头壳是遗传了爸爸的基因，这是连医生都认同的。曾有那么一霎那，我因为她长的不像妈妈而耿耿于怀，我怀了她九个月，这么辛苦把她带来这世界，但是竟然长得不像妈妈！

回到家后几乎每天的二十四小时，我们都是在一起。看着她一天一天的成长，看着她第一次睁开眼睛看着世界，看着她手舞足蹈的自个儿玩乐，看着她的食量不断的增加，看着她熟睡的样子。。。心里除了一次又一次的感动，还有着的就是做妈妈的自豪感。虽然，她也会像其他孩子一样哭闹，尤其是在夜里哭闹；安抚她并不是件容易的事，常常我们两个人的轮流抱上两三小时她才会入睡。再不然，她就是喜欢在清晨时候扰人有梦，但是因为是自己的孩子，我们虽已疲惫不抗还是会把她拥入怀中按抚她直到入睡。

曾经，有人说孩子是父母的产业；孩子是父母的天使；孩子是父母的战利品。也有人说，孩子是父母的绊脚石；孩子是婚姻的地域，是婚姻的傀儡！我，是父母的新人类，我不知道这些所谓的比喻符实吗。但是我可以肯定，孩子确实是父母的产业，天使，也是父母的战例品！至少我认为我的孩子是我此时最为宝贵的产业，她是我的至宝！她的每一举一动，她的每个笑容，她的每个哭声都牵引我的心，时时刻刻的牵引我。。。。

坐月子记

2010-05-25T08:21:00.013+08:00

老实说我害怕坐月子多过生产。事因我是一个超级怕闷，超级不想呆在家的人，更何况必须呆在家30天。我一天不出门就有点全身不自在。还有，坐月子又必须遵守哪些烦人的礼节，有得戒口只能吃坐月子餐。我本来就是一个不听话的病人，我不知我遵守了几条这些所谓的坐月子礼节，但是还好的是时间好像过得比我想象中的快。

月子餐

话说坐月子就是要把身体调理好，老人都说生产后身体变得非常的虚弱变寒，所以月子餐不谓就是些补身子的料理。再加上坐月子不可受寒，所以所有的月子餐都是又加姜又加酒的，每吃一餐我都是汗流夹背的。才坐了十二天的月子，我已经害怕吃这些月子料理了，多希望克可以吃日本餐，吃一些较重口味的食物。

不吹风

妈妈生了孩子身体就变寒了吗？我还是不能理解。有一天正吃中餐，虽开了冷气我还是觉得很热所以就开了风扇，结果我的陪月阿姨即刻又把风扇关了，她说我坐月子不可吹风。但是我打从一生了孩子后就吹冷气，难道冷气和风扇有分别吗，还是这风非此风，真是一笑置之！试想想看现在正值五月天，是大热天的日子，如果不开窗又不开冷气，在加上那些热气冲冲的月子餐，我不中暑才怪。

不冲凉

有些籍贯的人坐月子是不可冲凉的，但是幸好我还是得到了冲凉的准证但是就一定要冲药材浴，陪月的阿姨起初说我因为开刀的关系必须等到十天后才可以冲凉，诈听之下我快要晕过去了。冲医院回来因为医生嘱咐了不可冲凉免得伤口湿水，所以我谓有乖乖听话，忍受了四天不浴只有摸身的日子，终于在第五天得到医生的允许，我终算可以洗去身上的汗味了。现在每天一次的泡澡是我最期待最享受的了！

不洗头

坐月子本来就有一个不洗头的礼节。试想想三十天不洗头，那是对头皮的一种折磨。虽说我在进院的前一天上洗发院把头洗得非常清洁，但是生产后的二十小时都只能躺在病床上，我可是睡到满头大汗，回到家时我的头皮近乎发油发痒，我忍得快发疯了，我的陪月阿姨是一个很传统的女人，她当然把握盯得很紧，从第一天来我家就一再的提醒我不可洗头。刚开始我还是蛮听话的，我要看看自己有多少的耐力，结果忍不到一个星期的时间，我就偷偷的洗头了。把房门锁了，她也不会知道我在里面干什。当然，我只是草率的洗了个头，用最短的时间搽干再用吹风筒吹干。洗了头，感觉上整个人都清爽了。

不出门

出门就会着风！这是老人的理论。那天到医院复诊，因为贪方便穿了一条娃娃裙，这裙坦白说有点单薄，我只加了一条外套。就有一个一起复诊的阿姨看不过眼了，她吩咐我下一次出门一定要穿长裤，还有头要包起来，免得受寒。说到包头，我可是接受不了，那样的打扮太可笑了。不过，不出门这点我还真的做得很好，除了那天回医院复诊外，我可谓是足不出户，每天都窝在家里。我其实也很想出门，只是因为有了一次的坐车经验，回来后伤口隐隐作痛，所以我现在是怕痛才忍着想出门的欲望。再加上身体还留着多余的赘肉，还穿不下漂亮的衣服，因为爱美所以还是忍着不出门。

不看书，不看电视，不开电脑

这些都不是我可以遵守的。如果每有书没有电视没有电脑，试问我的日子该如何过？有好多朋友都劝我别看太多的电脑，否则会有老花。但是，我不能过着每电视电脑的生活，我只能说我尽量减少。

酒

坐月子好像跟酒是脱离不了关系的。妈妈和家婆分别为我预备了不同的酒，一瓶瓶不同的酒摆满了我厨房的一整个厨子，这几天还有朋友亲戚不停的送来酒。我本来就是一个不好酒的人，更何况我是一杯就会倒地的那种，所以这些酒对我来讲只可以是我的收藏品，也许有机会还可以转送他人。

虽然，坐月子有很多恼人的礼节，但是我的月子坐得还蛮开心的，蛮轻松的。可能我就是因为是个不听话的妈妈，自己赦免了许多的礼节，所以我的月子就像过得像平常人一样。

Baby ERYN CHAI

2010-05-21T09:52:00.004+08:00

Here come our baby~ ERYN CHAI YININ

Date of birth: 14/05/2010 @8.41am through LSCS

weight at birth: 3.27kg

length at birth: 53cm
heard circumference: 36cm (consider as big head)

Labor expenses: RM6276

Prenatal Expenses: RM1000++

生产记

2010-05-17T14:58:00.009+08:00

回到家已经第六天了。

虽有陪月和妈妈在帮忙，但是还是把我累得浑身不自在，每天都感觉精疲力尽。

把孩子带回家的第一个晚上，可说是战战兢兢的，因为手术后留下的伤口还非常疼痛，我根本就很难爬起床来泡奶，所以那一晚老公就成了名副其实的奶爸。看着他连睡觉都戴着眼镜的，即心疼也安慰，因为在我怀孕的整个过程当中，他都很少体现作父亲的责任，哪一个晚上他可算是够折腾了！

从决定破腹生产到真正躺在手术台上只不过是两天的时间。所以我可以说是根本没时间考虑太多，也没时间让自己紧张。手术的前一晚，我们还很悠闲的吃了我的最后宵夜，回到家躺在床上，开始辗转不眠。但是，不眠也不是因为紧张，不是因为担心，只是一直在想象孩子到来的那一刻，想象手术的情景，想象把孩子抱在怀里的心情。。。一整夜都在胡思乱想中过去。

清晨六点多，老公把我叫醒，只记得朦胧间他对我说：是时候起身准备去医院了。起身梳洗一番后，我还来得及搽上我的脸霜护肤品，想起来也是很可笑。都快要躺在手术床上了，还来得及打扮一番！还选了一套我很喜欢的孕妇装，把它套在身上时，我突然有种感触，再过两个小时半，跟随我大半年的大肚子就会离我而去，再过两个半小时我就会看到我朝思慕向的孩子了。临出门前我们还拍了张照片，我会永远记得这个肚子但是我绝对不会怀念它！

这可是我有生以来最胖的样子，现在还真佩服我自己能够有那样的能耐带着它渡过漫长的数个月！

那一个早上我们都很悠闲，我们应约在早上7.30前抵达医院。做了入院登记，我们才知道医生之前帮我们预定的单人病房已爆满了，所以我们惟有将就的先入住二人房。换上医院服，又是一轮的体检，过后就有护士来为我剃毛，为我戴上我的入院手坏，然后就让我躺在床上休息等待护士把握送进手术室。那一刻，我的心情非常的平静，老公还是一样的紧紧握着我的手，我不晓得那时候的他在想什么，我只知道只要有他在我身边，我的心是那么的踏实那么的自在。8.15分，护士推来了一张轮椅要把握送进手术室，坐在轮椅上朝着手术间走去时，我在心里默默地祷告，我深信我的上帝一定会保守我和孩子，他一定会带领和守护这个手术的。进入手术室的第一道门后，他们把老公带到另一个房里去换衣准备陪产。他松开手告诉我别紧张时，我突然有种想哭的感觉，我甚至不想就这样松开我的手。但是我们终究还是得短暂的分开。后来又来了另一个手术间的护士把握领进手术间。我还是蛮佩服我自己的，我天生就很怕痛，从来都没想过有一天我也需要躺在手术床上。而且身平的第一次手术，情况还是这么的特殊。他们要我自己走进手术间，自己坐在手术床上，自己躺下，感觉上有点像是自助手术一样！走到手术间的最后一道门，我唯一的感觉就是很冷，头脑一片空白。

踏进手术间，来到手术台，我有那么几秒钟犹豫不决的，我甚至不想踏上这手术台。不过，我很庆幸遇到了很友善的医护组，可能他们都看到我的无助。把我领进去的护士开始安慰起我来，叫我不要害怕，只要躺在那里半小时就好，只要半小时，我就可以看到我的宝宝了。8：20分来了我的麻醉师，他是个很风趣的男人，给我插上我的点滴针管然后再给我打麻醉针，破腹生产只需半身麻醉。起先我最怕的是打麻醉针，但是这麻醉师还真的很本领，我没有感觉丝毫的痛，也许他太厉害分散我的注意力，一边为我打针一边逗我讲话。打了麻醉针后，我总算看到我的抄刀主治医生，这个医生一向来都是很酷的，话不多。他看着睡在手术台上的我，说了一声早然后就告诉我手术开始了。奇怪的是，我的老公是要来陪产的，那为什么他还没来到我身边呢！

但是，那时的情况根本没让我有多想的空间。说是已经麻醉了，那为什么我还能感觉到医生和助理们在动我的肚子呢。我很紧张的看着我的麻醉师问他，为什么我还会有这种感觉，他看着我笑了一下，说我还是可以感觉肚子的挪动但是却不会感觉任何的疼痛。这么一安抚，真的就是他所讲的我并没有感觉任何的疼痛。这是望头我就看到护士先生把老公带到我身边了，他劈头第一句话告诉我医生已经把我的肚子破开了。我没什么感觉，一直就是看着老公的脸，默默地等待孩子的降临。我们两谈天说地的，突然间老公说bb出来了，紧接下来我就听到很响亮的bb哭声，跟着护士把交给一旁守候的小儿科医生，她检查孩子之后来到我身边留下了这么一句话就走了：she is a pretty and healthy baby。之后，护士把孩子抱来给我们，那一刻我的心里百感交集，这就是我们的孩子也，我告诉身边的老公。就这么几秒的相聚，我们一家又得分开，被带往育婴室作进一部的检查。

这时候，我和老公还是有短短的几分钟分享我们初为人父母的喜悦！那是多么的美妙，我们的小生命诞生了，从此我们不再是两个人，而是我们多了一个襁中宝。我们的小公主终于来到我们的在世界了，她太美了。而老公他只会一直轻轻的对我说了一次又一次的谢谢你。。。

之后，老公就被请出手术室，留下我独自在手术台上作缝合的工作。医生完成最后的缝合后也离开手术室，最后只剩下几个护士为我做清理，那时我突然觉得肚子里好像有什么在挪动，就像有孩子在我肚子里挪动一样，我问了一个很可笑的问题：为什么我感觉好像还有小孩在我肚子里动似的。这时我看到护士们都笑了，其中一个回答我：哦！那怎么办，医生已经把伤口缝合了。后来她才对我解析这是因为我的子宫正在收缩。一连串的笑话，我只能说我的整个手术过程是很轻松的，是很愉快的。

8：50分，他们把我推离手术室，让我独自一个人躺在冰冷的手术室走廊等待病房护士来接我。我的身体不断的发抖，我还以为是因为手术室的冰冷空调，后来麻醉师看到我不停的颤抖，他说这是我对麻醉药的反应，他说的是多么的轻松，还取笑我的脚太长而医院的被单不够长盖着我的脚，我还看到他手上拿着一包的早餐和茶。老公他这时已换回自己的衣服，站在走廊的另一端等我。

回到病房，才也只不过是早上9点正。我的整个手术已完成了，我的孩子也平安的来到这世界了。我只能说感谢主的带领和保守，让我顺利的度过我的怀孕期，又保守我的手术有顺利。曾经，我是那么的无可奈何，因为怀孕后期的辛苦，因为漫长的等待，因为情绪的变化，但是看到孩子的那一刻，所有的辛苦都好像随之而去！

倒数的最后一天！

2010-05-13T12:01:00.005+08:00

昨天，又到了医院做了例常的产检。话说，也觉得奇怪，四个星期前医生就告诉我有早产的迹象，要我回家留心观察，但是这一等就是一个月，很多时候我甚至等的不耐烦了。怀孕的后期的确很累人，挺着一个A级大西瓜是在所难免的，还得忍受关节的疼痛，腰酸背痛，特严重的水肿，如果不是亲身经历真的无法想象这既苦即喜乐的感受！

这最后几次的产检，我都是哭着回家的，因为每一次，医生都说孩子还没进入我的胎盘骨，再回家等等看，每天一到睡觉时间可说是叫苦连天，我根本就没办法好好睡一觉。每天不停的祷告希望明天会是我的产期，希望明天会感觉好一点，但是这一切并没有被应允。更甚的是，每天还得象被审问似的过日子，自己的心情都烦透了，还得每天回答同一个问题！

昨天的产检结果又是让我失望透了，原本就自己昨了最后的打算，如果说孩子还是没有进入胎盘骨里，我会要求医生为我催生。结果我的话还没来的级说出口，医生依据稍描的结果，论断说我应该是属于难产型的，我的胎盘骨的入口太小而且孩子的头太大，再加上婴孩已长到3.5了，所以要孩子钻进我的胎盘骨更本是不可能的事。他的建议是让我开刀取出孩子。霎那间，我感觉头脑一片空白，这是我最不想要的结果。我有那么几分钟是无言于对的。我找不到一个我该说服自己的理由。。。。。可能我的医生还是看到了我的不情愿，他又补充说了另一个建议，如果我愿意他可以帮我先催生看看是否会成功，不过他也还算很老实的给我们分析，催生成功的机率很渺茫，最后开刀的机会还是蛮高的！哦！！！！！我的天，那我岂不是要承受两次的痛苦吗，而且还要拿孩子来冒险，所以后来我还是乖乖的屈服了。

老公的决定很快，让我感觉有点不象平常的他。也许他已经被我的埋怨和叹气厌烦到极点了，所以那一刻，他直接的要决定开刀的日期，我们选了14号早上，没有其他的原因，只是依据医生的时间表。

是的，日子决定下来后，我的心踏实了很多，再也不用为哪不知道的明天而心烦，再也不用对生产的过程担忧。不过，这两天等待的日子，我还是感觉有点无助。这是一种很莫名其妙的感觉，我打从心里很想看到我那漂亮的小公主，但是一方面又很担心往后的生活。。。。。

嗨。。。。我看我还是得收拾这乱七八糟的心情，预备好心明天一早踏上手术台。只要半个小时就好，只要忍受半个小时就好，我们就会见到我们朝夕木想的小公主了。

有这么一双手。。。

2010-05-07T08:57:00.010+08:00

有这么一双手，为我遮掩了许多的风和雨。

有这么一双手，为我拭去多少泪水。

有这么一双手，无数次的温暖了我我冰冷的手。

有这么一双手，默默地牵着我度过了无数的日子。

有这么一双温暖的手，温暖了我的心灵。

有这么一双不离不弃的手，紧紧牵着我的手。

有这么一双祷告的手，为着我无数的需要来求告。

有这么一双肯定的手，常常坚定了我动摇的信心。

我，一直还没有忘记，这双手在我生命中出现的第一次。是那么的清晰，彷佛就在那前一瞬间。但这确实是那么遥远的往事。。。这双手没有特别的精致，更没有特别的保养；曾经我埋怨这双手很粗燥，可能会挎花我的脸庞；曾经我埋怨这双总是看起来很肮脏的双手；但是这双手却是从来没有离开我的手，每一次都是紧紧地把我手握在手心里。

这一双手，把我带回神的面前。曾经，我对我的信仰是那么的肯定；后来因为许多的拦阻，我离弃了神给我的这福分。是这一双手，把我这迷失的羊给找回来了。那是一个圣诞节的崇拜，我来得有点迟了，但我永远都没法忘记，迎接我的就是这么一双手，虽然他没有开过口，虽然他没有拉我一把。就是因为这双温暖的手，让我焕然大悟，神并没有离弃我！

也是这一双手，把我带到生命的另一个旅程。如果说是一双手迎进了婚姻，那么维持婚姻的也必定是这一双手。婚后从来没有认真地看过这一双手，婚后从来没有好好的看过这一个脸庞，那一夜，他坐在昏暗的一角双目注视着电视机，我突然发现，就是这样的一个男人，把他的双手给了我；就是这一个男人，用他的一生用他的承诺把我紧握在手心里。我，并没有好好的珍惜这一双手，在这个时候，我突然很后悔，也许再过多些时候，他手心里牵的再也不是我的手了！也许，我再也不是他手心里唯一的明珠了！但是，我深信这一双手会牵着我步入生命无数个无知的未来。。。

因为怀孕后期，总总的生理变化，造成我身体患上严重的水肿，身体所有的关节也非常的疼痛，常常夜里痛得我无法入睡。就是这么一双手，一轻一重的在我身上不停的按摩，这样虽然没有解决我的关节问题，但至少在那一刻，我感觉身体的疼痛不再那么痛，至少在那一刻我的心是那么的温暖。这一双手，是那么的真那么的实在！

我们，常常在拥有时，不晓得去珍惜自己所拥有的。你是否曾经不只一次的摔开那双紧握你手心的手？你是否觉得这一双手很厌烦？又是后，如果每有仔细的去细想，我们不会看到这背后的故事！

Baby Name

2010-04-24T19:12:00.006+08:00

May has been turn out to be a BIG month for both of us. We are ready to welcome our new member our first baby. Though it's a tough experiece to go through the nine months with this big stomach but I truly enjoyed to be a mom. Her every kick, every heart beat, every movement reminding me of how great that God does created a new life for us. She is our very first "combined product" where as the sperm which contains hubby's heridity fused with the egg released from a me. She will carries the DNA transferred from both of us and should we call her as our product?

We are now actually waiting for the baby to come. We are not sure when is the right timing for her to explore this new world and all we can do is wait patiently. She is still active in my womb every day nad night. Fortunately, I able to catch a good night sleep now but have to wake up to pee for few times at night. I am happy with this as this is a good sign shows that my baby is dropping now and she is ready to come out now.

Well, back to my main topic. Honestly, it's not easy to pick a good name for a baby. We actually start to look for a good name at the beginning of my pregnancy and now 9 months had gone and we only manage to come out with few choices. Since the dad-to-be is not good in mandarin and thus i got to scratch my head to think of a good meaningful name for our newborn.

Here are the some shortlisted names:
1。逸宁(calm and soft mannered)
2。逸曦(peace like a quite morning)
3。瑶涵(kind-hearted)

1. Eryn (calm)
2. Serene (calm)
3. Elyse(soft -mannered)
4. Hannah (God blessed girl)

Though we are very sure going to have a baby girl but to play safe we also pick some suitable name for baby boy:
1。长隽(clever and smart man)
2。长航(no special mean, just simply give this name as the dad to be love deep sea fishing)
3。长恺(joyous baby)

1. Ethan

Sooner or later.......

2010-04-21T17:23:00.003+08:00

I am here again. I just can't stop the urge to blog again today.

I rang up my OB this afternoon and suprisingly he is back from his holiday. I told him my problem and without any further explaination, he wanted me to go to hospital immediately. So both of us make a trip to hospital again where I was thinking maybe I won't be sent home after this trip.

We managed to reach the hospital at four and luckily there is no long waiting queue and we got to see the OB immediately. After those usual checking procedure and OB perform a pelvic exam for me to check the effacement level and the cervix dilatation. Evaluation been done and found out I'm still 0cm dilated with a very soft cervix which means that I will deliver anytime from now since I have regular abdominal pain these two days.

Well, I don't know is this a good new or a bad one for me. I always lost my temper and asking hubby when can i get over this hardest moment. I always wanted to wave a goodbye to my big stomach and always wanted to hold my little precious princess in my arm. But when come to this stage, I feel so worried all of a sudden. I couldn't figure out why I feel so. Maybe it's due mainly to the delivery story i heard from other and learned from books, magazine and internet. I am the type who can't tolerate well with pain and I really can't imagine how am I going to bear the pain while I am in active labor and in the delivery process. At first, I opt for the pain-free labor but i've changed my mind now and choose to have a natural birth without any anethestic. I just pray that i can manage everything well with the blessing from God.

It seems like I'm running out of time now. I should really look into my preparation now. We should really short-list the baby's name by now. I should set up my baby cot, I should unpack all the baby apparels, feeding bottles, toys etc. I should figure out the type of formula i'm going to feed my baby. I should finalize the confinement period diet plan. There seems alot of things I should get ready before being sent into the labor wad. And most of all I should grab this precious time to do whatever I love like having a quite dinner with my hubby, watchinng my favourite TV shows.....before my baby is out (and of course before my time is fully occupied by this precious princess).

我的待产包

2010-04-21T09:51:00.004+08:00

进入三十七个星期孕期，意味着我带球的日子就快结束了。心里又是恐惧又是期待。

这几天，不知为何，肚子老是和我作对，时而有点疼痛，时而疼痛有消失，很想到电话到医务所，但是又刚好碰上我的主诊医生休假，我真希望不是这一两天，至少要等到他修完假回来。

昨天傍晚开始，我的下腹就开始隐隐作痛，时而重时而轻。刚开始我也没多加理会，反正我在整个孕期都会有这样的痛楚，每次我的主诊医生都视它为普通的怀孕症状。虽然Darling看似好担心的样子，甚至还问我要身份证等重要文件，以方便即时之需。我还是蛮镇定地，我要他先去睡觉，并告诉他就算肚子痛，也没那么快会生出来，所以还是安心睡吧！

话说我不紧张，那是骗人的。这几个晚上都没什睡好，因为腹中的宝宝老是不停的蠕动，因为在这怀孕的后期我总是有呼吸的困难，常常因为这样，折腾了好几小时才会睡去。好不容易睡着了，又因为尿频而迫不得已起身。今早起来，小腹还是隐隐作痛，我尝试清理家居，希望借此暂且忘记这回事，但是这是呼好难。所以还是决定先把我的待产包整理好，那至少如果真的是产期到了，我可以还有多点时间泡个温水浴，甚至喝杯燕窝才出门到医院去。

这就是我的待产包。其实别人都说只须待一套宝宝的衣服，我却准备了两套，还带了两片尿片，因我不晓得医院是否有供应尿片给新生宝宝。至于我自己，我准备了一套怀孕初期的衣服，一件的辅乳胸罩几件的即丢小裤裤（常听网友说这样的小裤裤比较方便，因为产妇生产之后的几天会排出有异味的血和液体，所以就算不小心弄脏小裤裤也不需清洗。我选了棉织的，心想可能会比较舒服！）。当然我还是带了卫生刷具和毛巾，因为也不晓得我需住院几天，所以还是事先准备来的安心点。还有，最重要的我即刻把相机充电，誓言要把宝宝出生的第一刻，拍下留作纪念。

一切准备就即了，我还是盼望这一刻快点到来。

Treasure your life!

2010-04-08T08:54:00.000+08:00

There is another shock and sad new came to me again when i log in facebook yesterday. One of my coursemate has left us on monday. She die in a car crash while she is on her way back home.Although I am not that close to her but somehow this bad new keep remind me of her.

Life is really short and could be harsh at times. sometimes we might feel so disappointed for where we don't know the purpose of life. Sometimes we might complain why we work so hard for live and yet life is just too short. Sometimes we might feel so sadly when being told there is someone who we knew has left us.

We as human being, have no choice to live our life. We don't know when is the end of our life and we even can't predict when is our last day. But am sure we should really treasure every moment we have, try to live up our life to experience and balance with happiness and joys. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets for the reason you only live once. We find no reverse gear in our life and we can only keep moving forward. When things go wrong as they sometimes will, please don't give up. when the road you're heading seems all up hill, please move forward without any complaint. When you want to smile but stress of life pressing you down a bit, please try your best to do so too. Life is always queer with it's twists and turns. As everyone of us went through the life ourselve, we do learn somethings and of course this might be accompanied by failures at times but please dont give up and don't quit. You may succees with another blow or you maybe just a step close to the sucess. we never know the outcome if we turn away our direction.

Life ain't as easy as we thougth but still we should appreciate every moment we have. We should treasure life to the fullness and with no regrets when we stand in front of God at the end of our life. I would hope that i have no single talent left and would be able to tell God that " I used everything you gave me and I live up my life as what you planned for me" when i see God in one day.

* The post is written in the rememberance of one of my coursemate. RIP, Leena.

34th week

2010-04-05T14:11:00.003+08:00

进入第三十四周怀孕期，但是我还是无法习惯带着一粒球过每天的日子，感觉很辛苦很沉重。

今天作了三十四周的产检，我们两可谓是为了这一次的产检，盼得颈都长了。是因在过去的几次产检我们都要求医生为我扫描，但是他每次都推迟到下一次的产检。有时候，我们还真的摸不着头脑为什么他常常违我们的意。今天总算事与愿为了。但是，可悲的是他非常草率的给我做扫描，就连孩子的长度他也没量，就关机把我们打发走了。我心里一直埋怨为什么这个医生会这么草率的看诊，我们每次产检花的费用可不少，但是他常常就是敷衍我们几句，就把我们打发了。有时候，我还未必能够从他口中得到我要的答案。

这是我的第一个孩子，我们当然有很多的疑问，有很多的不知道，但是可悲的是我们虽是看专科但是有时候觉得我们并没有得到一点的专业质询服务。还得每一次又突发状况是被他的话吓得半死。真的是花钱自讨苦吃！

不过，话说回来，今天总算知道孩子的体重了，她已长胖了，2.239公斤。但是超音波扫描显示，她的体重有点偏低。看来，我还是得更加努力的把她养得更胖点。扫描也显示她的头壳会比一般大点，但是还是在标准里。医生说这是好现象，因为一般头壳较大的孩子会比较聪明。试问，有哪个父母不想要个聪明的孩子呢。不过他也补充说大头壳的孩子会加重妈妈生产时的负担。

我等待。。。。。

2010-03-17T15:42:00.003+08:00

最近，心情糟透了。

是因为，怀孕后荷爾蒙的变化；
是因为，生活没了重心；
是因为，压欲在心里的委屈；
是因为，心里的恐惧；
是因为，我觉得很压力；
是因为，我好累了。。。。

进入怀孕的最后八周，我的心一直忐忑不安。
我害怕进入产房，
我害怕照顾新生的孩子，
我害怕我会做得不够好，
我害怕我往后的生活会变得更枯燥！

近来，我总是觉得喘不过气来，
近来，有很多人开始对我的宝宝的性别产兴趣，
近来，也宝宝性别大公开，开始有很多人催我快点生个男孩，
近来，我总是很在意于别人无理的批评，
近来，我以为我快疯了。

这样的日子，我还要忍受多久？
这样的委屈，何时才到尽头？
这样的恐惧，何时才有答案？

不要珍藏著去等待不確定的特別的日子

2010-03-12T10:00:00.003+08:00

“朋友打來電話，說她前一段日子出了車禍，現在正在家靜養，問我有沒有時間去看看她放下電話，我急忙往她那邊趕。
開門的是她的先生，朋友坐在客廳沙發上，腿上蓋了條毛毯。
見我進來抱歉地笑笑：沒去接你，我站不起來了。
我大驚。毯子拿掉，露出她長短不一的雙腿。 ……我頓時呆住了。 …怎麼會這樣？

朋友說：在高速公路上被一輛失控的大卡車給撞的。
朋友拍拍身邊的沙發讓我坐下，待我擦乾了眼淚，她叫先生把輪椅推過來。
看見嶄新的輪椅心裏又是一痛，看著朋友的先生把她抱上輪椅，感覺真是觸目驚心，她曾經有多美的一雙腿啊女友讓我推她進了臥室，指著衣櫥讓我打開。！

我上前打開，裏面是一件漂亮的象牙白吊帶裙，裙長及膝，兩條纖細的吊帶中間隨意搭著條透明的銀灰色真絲長披肩，上面用銀絲繡著柳葉圖案，
標明價格的商標小吊牌還掛在上面。
朋友讓我把裙子和披肩都取下來，拿在手裏細細地撫摸，
比在身上給我看：好看嗎？我的鼻子酸酸的：真好看！

朋友把裙子疊好遞到我手上：送給你。我連忙擺手。朋友低著頭：你想我以後還用得著嗎？
一句話，兩人又迸出眼淚。朋友又拿出個白色的鞋盒，打開來是雙漂亮的白色六英寸高跟鞋，她說：這鞋和裙子是配對的。我點點頭：真漂亮！

朋友的眼睛深深地看著窗外，過了一會兒才轉過頭來，無比傷感地慢慢對我說：你知道，當我發現我以後永遠是現在這樣，心裏最遺憾的是什麼？我最遺憾的是我再也不能穿漂亮的裙子了。我知道我的腿很長很美，尤其穿這種露著小腿的裙子更好看。我有很多漂亮的裙子，車禍後我都送人了。只是這一件是我最喜歡的，我一直珍藏著捨不得穿，總想要等到一個最特別的日子，一個與眾不同的日子和場合，但好像日子每一天都很平常都不特別，我也就永遠失去了穿它的機會。她停了一下，拉過我的手： 現在我知道美麗的東西永遠也不要去珍藏，不要珍藏著去等待不確定的特別的日子。

從朋友家出來，天已經很晚。我懷抱著這件美麗昂貴的裙子、披肩、皮鞋坐在車裏，腦子裏朋友傷殘的雙腿和美麗的裙子交疊在一起不停地閃現，痛到抽搐成一團，那些" 重要的日子 " 、" 特別的日子 " 也許將來還會出現在她的生活裏，但漂亮的露著小腿的裙子和美麗的六英寸高跟鞋已經不存在於她的字典裏了。

其實，生活裏我們不是常常把那些自認為最美麗最珍貴的物和事都細心收藏，總想要等到一個重要的場合、一個合適的時候、一個特別的機會才肯拿出來展示？ ”

这篇文章是取自朋友传来的电邮，觉得它的内容很有意义。

我们常常都喜欢把最美丽最珍贵的事和物细心收藏起来，总是盼望能等到一个重要的时机在拿出来展示。但是，往往都是事与愿违！不是错过了那个最合适的时机，就是没法等到那个最合适的时机。东方人都是很含蓄的族群，我们都喜欢把对莫人的关怀和爱放在心中，总等待一个适合的时间来对对方传达我们对他们的关怀和爱。但是，很常我们都会失去那个表达的机会。

所以，不要再把那些美麗珍贵的東西和事留到不确定的某个特别的，不平凡的日子。要抱握每一个今天，因为不是所有的明天都会一如既往地站在前面等我。不是每一句话都可以留到明天再告诉对方，不是每一件漂亮的裙子都能等到一个最合适的时间和场合。

我想生活裏那些美麗的東西其實不需要珍藏，婚姻中亦是。畢竟，生活對尋常夫妻來說，應當把最美的東西展現在每一個今天，而不是珍藏到那些不確定的、特別的日子。

美麗的東西其實不需要珍藏，而是要珍惜！
生活裏那些美麗的東西其實不需要珍藏，婚姻中亦是。
生活中亦如是！

不要珍藏著去等待不確定的特別的日子！

我真的这么差吗？

2010-03-11T11:57:00.006+08:00

今天无意中看到一个无聊的留言板，有莫个无聊的女人总是喜欢在我辈后讽言讽语。很常，我就是闭一只眼，当作她在发无聊的讽。但是，我的容忍还是有限制的。

这个女人确实很无聊，我发现她有很严重的八婆态度。总是喜欢在我的背后插刀。我不明白，为什么她好像跟我有仇恨似的，我已经离开一年多了，他还是没完没了的攻击我。刚离开时，她到处说我是一个很坏的主管；后来又说我没了工作之后，很快会变成黄脸婆；再后来，我怀孕了，又说我变得很胖（开完笑，如果怀孕不长胖的话，那岂不是有问题。再来我就算再胖，也跟她又段距离。真是以五十步笑百步！）。然后现在，不知从哪听来我怀了女宝宝，她就说因为我人很坏，所以没能怀上男宝宝。

我不想讨论她的人格，因为她的人格本来就是有问题。我一向都是以事论事的，工作方面，我是不容许走捷径的，所以我对我的下属和被分配的工作都很严格，我不想工作被分配下来时，在我这方面出问题。但是就因为这样，我从此被冠上“坏”的头衔。再来，我离开我的工作之后，我过得很好，我没有变成所谓的黄脸婆，身材也没走样。现在，我已经是怀了七个多月身孕的准妈妈了，身材难免一走样了，所谓食孕气十足了，所以我也觉得很可耻，她为何会觉得孕妇变胖是件很可笑的事。我怀上女宝宝，不是任何人可以断定的。不是因为我坏所以神不给我男宝宝。这一点，我就觉得她很幼稚，他身上不也是有着XX的基因吗，她不觉得可耻吗，难道她妈妈也是个坏心肠的女人，才会生下她这个女儿。

我，是个我行我速的人。虽如此，我还是很讨厌别人对我作这样无聊的定论。更何况，我现在过着我自己的生活，与她毫无相干，为什么她就是喜欢一次又一次的攻击我。有时候，我还真想拿起电话对她臭骂一顿，但这样好像不是我该做的事。每一次的每一次，我都默默地忍受她的攻击，我只能祷告，但愿神会看到我的委屈，会为我开道路！

Epidural block for labor

2010-03-11T09:47:00.005+08:00

Epidural block is a combination of local anaesthetic and a narcotic that continuosly relieves pain in the lower part of the body.

An epidural is given with a catheter into the epidural space. A small catheter is then threaded through the needle into the space and the needle withdrawn. The catheter is left in placed and taped so that it does not move. The patient can then be given a continuous small amount of medication or be given a bolus dose when the patient begin to have pain. An epidural relaxes the pelvic muscles and the nerves are bathed in the local anesthetic medication which causes an insensitivity to pain. The receiver will still feel the pressure of the contractions and the urge to push. After the baby is born, the catheter is removed.

Great thing about epidural block during labor is allowing a mother to remain fully awake. Additionally, the baby should not be affected in any way. It is also possible to receive a "walking epidural," which still blocks the pain of labour, but leaves you with enough lower body strength and muscle to walk about. The combination of these two becomes much more affective than the two used separately.

While it has its disadvantages too. This anaesthesia may decrease blood pressure and in turn also slow the baby's heart beat. This maybe harmful to the newborn. Beside, in 1 of 100 patients who received epidural block might have possibility suffering for severe headaches due to leakage of spinal fluid.

I did lots of study about this medication since what i mentioned before my tolerance to pain is very limited. I am looking for a effective pain killer which enable me to go for a natural birth without have to cut my stomach to take out my baby. Anyway, I got many opinions from others where they wanted me to take the pain. I have no idea why they have such an opinion. It's not a bad thing for the mom to be, especially the first time mom to be to go for this pian killer rather than put themselve at the most suffering stage.

30th week pregnant mom

2010-03-09T13:39:00.008+08:00

I am now into the 30th week of pregnancy and it's just hard to imagine that I still have 10 weeks to go into labor.

This marks the end of my pregnancy honeymoon period and the begin of the hardest path of my pregnancy journey. Well, I have gained a total of 10kgs within this 7 months. I feel harder and harder to carry these weights with me everyday. People said I look chubby now and I know they are trying to use the more good word to comfort me at this stage. Deep inside, I really hope to get rid of these 10 kgs as soon as possible after the baby delivery process. I really hate to dress in those maternity wear everyday. I missed my beautiful dresses very much. I missed my high heel very much. I missed my slim-shaped body very much......

Lets the photo tell the story.....

Do I look like a big potato?

"Guess some of you might can't imagine how do i look like with this big tummy....."

My feet ain't cooperate with me too for where they start to swell at the beginning of 6th month and now i just can't imagine that my feet is 2-sized up compare to the one before pregnant. I did experienced the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome since a month ago. This delibating syndrome caused all my body joints looser where I suffer alot from my hand pain, hand numbness, tingling sensations in the fingers, and now the suffer spread to my hip joint. It's just kind of hard for me to even take a single step or take a single move on the bed at night. I did asked husband why should I suffer for this kind of so called blessed life? Can he try to share some of my suffer-ness too? Why don't he is the one to pregnant in next round? I cried alot now especially when the pain at my hip kill me during my sleeping time. I just can't take the pain easily or i should clarify here my tolerance to pain is very limited.

Let's keep the complaints and pains aside. Pregnancy is a fun experience instead. I enjoy every moment when my princess give me a hard kick or when she is making a turning in my womb. Though she did sleep alot during day light and become more active and awake at night time, but I have nothing to complain whenever she assured me with her movement sand kicks.

I feel like I'm running out of time at this moment. We have no new about the baby cot from dad-in-law for where he insisted to make a baby cot for his new born grand-child. I still have not got any suitable confinement lady for my confinement period. And most of all, I still not emotional prepared to go into labor and delivery yet as what i told before my tolerance to pain is very limited. Although husband suggested me to take up an epidural block during my labor but my health care provider seem like not really recommend me to go for this pain killer. Well, it's all depends on my condition during the time of labor.

I just hope things run smoothly and accordingly from now till the time I meet my baby.

Deep Impact!

2010-03-01T10:04:00.006+08:00

Pregnancy not comes as easy at times. I have a friend who's unfortunately lost her baby at her 5th month of pregnancy. She has a preterm labor with early membrane rupture in one morning when she woke up from her sweet sleep. She rushed to hospistal immediately but she still unable to save her baby's life and was undergoing an induce labor with no other choice. This is a damn bad decision for the newly wed husband and wife who desprately wanted a baby.

Her incidence kept floating in my mind and I have run out of idea how to concern a pity mom-to-be like her. I find no suitable words to comfort her at this moment. Life can be so short and it's just like her baby who end his breathe at the age of 5 months. He didnt even have chance to explore the miracle of this world. The mom-to-be didnt's have chance to hold her precious little one in her arm after she is carrying her baby in her womb for few months time and yet he did leave her alone now.

I feel deepest sympathy to the parent-to-be.

The incidence gave me a great impact for my pregnancy. I used to hope to have a baby boy at the beginning of my pregnancy. I did feel so sad when my Doc tell me that I'm going to have a baby girl. I feel so guilty with my expression and thoughts at the time being. In fact, I should be more thankful for the healthy pregnancy. I should be thankful to reach this stage of pregnancy with my baby still moving actively in my womb. I should be thankful for still be able to see my baby throught the scanning screen in my every prenatal appoinment.

I should appreciate this precious special gift from God.

不一样的十年！

2010-02-23T15:34:00.004+08:00

今年的新年过的很忙碌，很匆忙。带着一个肚子来为新年作准备的却不简单，所以我总是埋怨，下一次我一定要把时间算准，我不要又怀孕有碰上新年的，因为感觉真的很累，而且别人总是穿得美美的，而自己却挺着个肚子，穿着孕妇装！

不过，话虽如此，今年却让我碰上毕业十年的老同学。这样的机会，还真的得谢谢我们的几个男生老同学，他们的确很努力去做联系的工作，把大多数的人都找来了。看到眼前的每个人都不一样了，不是岁月把我们变苍伤了，不是我们都变老了，而是每个人的脸上好像记载了很多的经历，有者是伤感的，有者是富成就感的，有者是很稳重的，有者是很成熟的。。。。每个人的每段故事，我虽没办法与他们一一分享，但这个相会的确是很美丽的。

回想，十年前，我们都是背着书包啃着课本的孩子。那时候，在我们的心里，也许是一个无知的未来，等待我们的也是一道道猜不透的门。一转眼，十年已过。当中有许多经已披上婚纱成为人妻，当中也有已为人父的，当中也有待嫁的。。。

十年，是一个漫长的岁月。但是感觉就好像瞬间消失云海一样。我们用了十年的时间去寻找自己的梦与理想，我们用了十年的时间去开拓自己的道路，我们用了十年的时间去打造自己的一片天空，我们用了十年的时间来找到了一个可以靠岸的港湾。虽然有者可能还在寻寻觅觅的路上，但是我相信，每一个人必定也在这十年里为自己的生命写下不一样的色彩。看着我们从同一个地方起点，奔向不同的道路，继续自己美丽的生命，我只是在想，能够这样重逢是一个很美很有意义的安排。

updates

2010-01-28T15:41:00.005+08:00

Am 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant now. It took me such a long way to reach this point since i suffered alot during my pregnancy's first trimester. Despite all the severe morning sickness, I sometime is worrying that I'm having mild pre-patrum depression where I had those insane negative feelings and emotions. This ain't happened without a reason. Doc has diagnosed that I'm having a low lying placenta which means that I have higher chances to lost my fetus in any condition.

Well, I should thankful and have nothing to complain since I have reach this point today. My baby is growing well and healthy in my womb. We can see the baby clearly from the ultrasound scanning last month where she is moving actively in the limited space. she used to move alots nowsaday especially after meal. She did moved vigorously at times too where her daddy said she is complaining for the limited moving space in her mom's stomach! According to our Doc, she might be grow up to be a tall baby since her thigh bone is longer than other's baby. I guess she might be inherited my family body height's gene since my bro and sis used to be a tall man and lady. This is weird as both of her parents are considered as a short population.

Talked to Yan last week and she is complaining as I seldom update her with my condition and she never saw even a piece of my picca ever since I'm pregnant. Here are some updates....

I have put on 6.0kg within these six months where this is still consider as normal range. I have my own diet plan where i cut down cabohydrate and fat intake. and do eat lots fruits and protein rich food such as fishes and eggs. do eat lots brocolli and asparagus since it's rich in fiber where it's a need for pregnant mother to prevent constipation. Though I dint put on much weight as other mom-to-be but I still very frustrated with my balloon outlook. This is the fattest me in my past 27 years and am sure the scale will keep on going up again throughout my another 3 months pregnancy..

I'm lucky as there is no black spot developed on face. I am afraid of the growth since there is no cream can help with the removal of these spots. the most effective cream is only able to lighten the spots. I really did lots works for my face along this pregnancy journey since I'm not fair enuogh and I dont want the pregnancy worsen my skin condition. Did bought alot skin care product especially the face cream to avoid the uneccessary problem occurence. Well, I should said I had done a good job though the product did cost me alots.

I'm lucky as there is no stretch mark developed on my skin. The most obvious and irritating problem is the skin itchiness where i used to scratch alots at the beginning. I don't know the exact caused about the irratation itchiness but the problem seem to be okay by now. I am trying avoid most of the body cream since they might contain some ingredient which is harmful to my fetus inside. I always tolerant with the itchiness and had been told myself repeatedly to be patient within this period of time for the good sack of a heathy baby.

That's all for my update this time. I will update you with some of my recent balloon looks in my coming post....

孕妇的特权

2010-01-28T11:44:00.002+08:00

已经进入第二十四个星期的孕期了，现在可谓是孕气十足了，前两个星期我还可以一如惯常的于普通的牛仔裤搭配娃娃松身上衣，可现在每天只能与我的孕妇装为伍。所谓是，我已无法逃过别人对我怀孕的好奇心了。。。。

早在好几个星期前，和一帮朋友吃午餐。他很奇怪的选了楼下的位子，我有些摸不着他的用意，事因楼下位子非常有限，桌子根本容不下我们的人数，而且坏境很吵扎。后来问起他时，他说：因为你怀孕，不能走楼梯。当时候，我又点前腹笑到后背，我告诉他我每天都要上下楼还几次，如果我不能走楼梯，那我岂不是不能回房睡觉。不过，后来想想，对于他的用心我还是蛮感动的。

昨天，到附近的油站添忧。一如惯例的，自助式的添油付款，但是，昨天竟然会有油站的工人向我跑来，接过我手上的添油器，对我说：然我来，你怀着孕，这些汽油的气体对你和孩子有害，还很礼貌的叫我到油站的便利店等候。当时候，我在想，原来孕妇也有特权的呀！很多时候，都很怕别人对我有异样的眼光，也许是一直以来我都很少以这样肥胖的身材视众，所以我特别特别害怕看到人把眼光停留在我身上。但是，现在我才发现原来孕妇也有很优待的特权。

一直以来，我都不奢望孕妇会有什么特权，我的生活还是一如往常，工作之余还有很多的家务事，每天的早餐晚餐，每次用膳后的收视清洁工作，洗衣，整理不是自己的花园。。。每样的大小事，还是少不了我的份！所以，我没有把这个特权看在眼里。

有时候，人就是很软弱。当你特别想要得到一种特别的对待时，你会常常奢望身边的人会看到你的需要和渴望，但是可悲的是，往往他们都不会看到你的需要。话说，因为上个星期，我的秘书放了一个星期的年假，我必须连她的工作也一拼的完成，所以很常都忙得没时间在午休时小睡片刻，再加上工厂又在这时候进行装修，每天被那些噪音围绕，放了工还得赶回家预备晚餐，有时候还得被家翁批评菜煮得太熟，每次坐下吃晚餐时我已是累得不想说话了，这样还得被家婆讽刺一番。她会问我，你很累呀？那时候，我又点哭笑不得。所以我常常忘了我是一个孕妇，正因为在家里我并没有受到一般孕妇享有的特权。

虽然很常都没有享有这样的特权，但是偶尔受到别人的好心相待，我已心满意足了。

雨天

2010-01-14T09:28:00.003+08:00

又是到了雨季。

这几天，雨一直绵绵的落在每一处，时而轻轻的打在屋瓦上，时而狠狠地打在大街上，时而风雨交加。。。。总是没有要停下来的意思！

雨天，总是给人很懒散的感觉，也总是给人很厌倦的感觉。
雨天，总是我们这些工作的奴隶迟到的最佳理由。
雨天，总是睡虫最努力的时候。
雨天，总是主妇最头痛的时候，更换洗涤的衣物多，晒干的衣服却少之又少。
雨天，总是菜贩赚钱的好时机。

雨天，总会有人欢喜，有人忧！

我很喜欢雨天。看着湿答答的街道，看着满满的河水，看着青青的院子，心情总是特别好。
我喜欢下雨的夜晚，看着倒影在街道上的路灯，总是给这繁忙的街道添上几分色彩。
我更喜欢在下者风雨雷电交加的夜晚，躺在床上听着雨天狠狠地打在屋瓦上，感觉总是特别安稳，因为有片遮雨的屋瓦，而感到无比的满足幸福。

送行。。。

2010-01-13T14:27:00.004+08:00

一直以来，我都不喜欢送行。我很讨厌那种伤感的场面，我讨厌那种依依不舍的心情，我讨厌那种分开后独自离去的身影。

多年前，越洋升造。第一次离开家，哭哭啼啼的踏上飞机，心里总是数算这，倒数着下一次回家的日子。所以从那一天起，我就很讨厌送行。每次放完暑假回学校时，我一定会从容来给我送行的父母，速速离开，我不想让他们看到我孤单离去的背影。

这几年来，总是间间断断的给老公送行，他总是有避免不了的工作访问，每一次把他载到机场，看着他离去的背影，然后再自己开着车子回到冷清清的家里，心里头总是有种酸酸的味道。哪怕是因为被孤单所占据，哪怕是因为被离别的伤感而占据，我总是很讨厌这样的被遗弃。

今天，老公又得离开几天，我依然是挺着五个多月的肚子，摸黑开着车子送他到机场。看着他搭上电梯离去的身影，我只有告诉自己必须往前走，不要回头。然后又一如惯例的开着车子回到空荡荡的家中。雨点不停的打在我的党风镜上，我看着路上来来往往的车子，我不禁感叹，为着无助又孤单的自己感叹。

回到家，倒在床上，想要小睡一会。突然，孩子变得不听话，任凭我一直安抚她，她还是很用力的踢我的肚皮。霎那间，我明白了。她是在告诉我，我并不是孤单的一个人，她也在肚子里给我做伴。。。

我虽然，还是很不喜欢这样一个人的感觉。也许，我还是会在半夜起来独自的流泪；也许，我还是会自私的要求老公在未来半年内不可以有任何的工作访问；也许，我还是不习惯一个人守着空荡荡的房子；但，现在我却很清楚的知道，有一个幼小的生命，一直在跟我做伴。

是XX也！

2010-01-12T11:45:00.003+08:00

打从，怀孕的消息在身边人传开之后，每次见到人，他们都会八卦的问我，孩子的性别。虽然每次我们都说我们不在意孩子的性别，但是打从心底我们还是很想知道肚子里的孩子是个男婴还是个小公主。

上个星期的21周产检，老公就要求医生为我们的孩子扫描，看看孩子的性别。话说每次的例常产检，我们都会要求医生为我的胎儿扫描，我们都很雀跃想知道孩子的情况。但是话说也很奇怪，我们的医生每次都不太愿意为我们作扫描，再不然就是草草了事。当然，这一次也不例外！孩子是个超顽皮的天使，每天都在肚子里蠕动不停，所以扫描时，他/她也很少合作，总是处在不对的位子。这医生也一样的没耐性，尝试了好几次都看不到宝宝的性别特征，他就竟然告诉我们，就当她是个女孩吧！

我们并不是不想要个女孩，只是我们很质疑他的专业服务态度！这也未免太不专业了吧！

Unexpected Accident!

2010-01-08T15:52:00.003+08:00

It's a sunny morning. I just done with my lunch preparation and sit down in front of my laptop. I heard some sound like "bong" and then following by ambulance and police siren while I'm busying with my cafe world food serving. I first thought it might be an road accident which happened almost everyday at Batu Kawah main road.

But it's not other business. The front part of a 4WD is inside our house compound. The $wd knocked down our concrete fence. OUh..... He makes something impossible possible to happen! He brings us such a headache problem for where we need to reconstruct the broke down fence. How can we do the constrcution now since it is rainy season and the rain always fall unexpectedly everyday.... The fella didnt even apologize to us but he blamed that's other driver fault.

I should say he is an irresponsible and careless driver. His car actually come out from a junction and he didnt even make sure the main road is clear before he make the turning. Seriously, I would blame that's his fault. The other's car passenger injured because of the fault he caused. our fence broke down because of his careless. And yet, he didnt even say a SORRY to us!

We run to police station to make a police report for the sack to claim the construction fee from his side. But the procedure really took us such a long time.The queue in the police station is too long and we didnt manage to waste our time for waiting this innocent report print out. The traffic police in the station even ask us to claim the money directly from that fella instead of wasting our time to go through all the procedure and save our energy for running here and there..

So, Husband decided to call up the fella and ask him to pay us the money directly instaed of asking us to wait for the insurance claim. He refuse to do so as he still blame this is other's driver fault...

Huh....Husband was so angry and disappointed with his attitude. He suppose to apologize to us even he blame that's other fault for the reason that he is the one that knocked down our fence. he should apologize for bringing us those inconveninces!!

Thank you for their kindness...

2009-12-31T16:04:00.002+08:00

I gave myself an half day break this afternoon as I have so many tasks to get done before the day finish and I just want to give myself a chance to go out to refresh my eye with those beautiful high-heels, dresses.....

So, I drove out alone after a short nap and had decided to buy Darling an anniversary present. After all the presents choosing and wrapping, after all the eye refreshing get done, I come home with two pieces of favourite cheese cake.

Huhhhh.... the damn bad incident happened where I found my car's alarm remote is out of service. Had tried so many times and pressed the buttom hardly but unfortunately it's doesn't worked. The supid driver like me was trying to open the door buy using my key and of course the alarm is ringing like hell...I can feel my face is so warm and so embrassed as everybody in the car park is looking at me and am sure someone might think that I'm trying to break in somebody's car...Hahahaaha.... The shopping mall security man for sure are running to me and checked what's wrong with me and my car..

I should really relay my appreaciations and thanks to these two men who had helped me to solve my problem and I can be home safely without any help from my Darling.

This is the good day where i found these two kind and helpful men...

Happy New Year 2010

2009-12-31T10:54:00.004+08:00

It's 13 hours left before the New Year comes.

Mates, please do a fast re-scan for the year past and of course being prepared to welcome the New Year!

May your world be filled with warmth, joy and good cheer..

Wishing you a Happy New Year 2010!

无法磨灭的一页！

2009-12-29T15:20:00.007+08:00

2009年，就快过去了。

我是一个甚少为生活计划的人，我很少为每一年定下目标。与其说少，倒不如说我是一个懒惰的家伙，我很懒惰去计划，很懒惰去跟着计划走。

记得，我以前也会在每一年的开始在我的日记本写下我的新年大计，但是我发现我会感觉更失望；因为没有达到目标而感到失望，因为没有过好那一年而遗憾，因为错失了某种东西而难过！所以后来，我就干脆不写了，只会在新年的时候默默地在心里许下愿望。

因为，这样失望就少一点！
因为，这样我就没有机会在自己的苍巴撒盐！

回头看看这一年走过的路。。。
有很开心的，有很气恼的，有很感动得，有很泄气的，由很难过的。

2009年，对我来说是一个全新的新年。我这婚姻里的新兵，一切事和物对我来说都是充满新鲜感，每走一步都是战战惊惊的，因为每一步都是新的一步，这路是我从来没走过的，这路是陌生的。又因为离开了家里，感觉特别的无助，每天好像回到一个非常陌生的地方，每天好像在跟陌生人住在一起，每天好像跟陌生人共进晚餐。感觉特害怕！

2009年，对我来说也是一个艰难的一年。我从自己的工作上退了下来，离开了自己的工作岗位，结束了我的短暂的工作生涯，说实在的，我的心里的确很不舍，很难过。感觉很空虚，生活好像没有了重心，身理时钟虽然还是会准时的在6点醒来，但是理性告诉我，我已经没有上班可去的公司了，我已经没有我的工作了。

2009年，我第一次拥有了自己的家，虽然里面的摆设，里面的装潢都不是我特想要的，但是这对我来说是一份最好的礼物。丈夫的父母，送了我们这屋子当着我们的结婚礼物。第一次拥有了一个完完全全属于自己的空间，第一次成为这家的主人翁。

2009年，我们孕育了我们的第一个孩子。虽然，这孩子来慢了，他/她会呆在我肚子里和我们一起迎接2010年。我感恩，为着这孩子的到来而感恩。这是不能磨灭的一页，我们竟然就快为人父母了，就在这一年我们是单身的渡过最后一个二人世界的新年。

2009年就快成为历史了，虽然有很多没法捉住的遗憾，但是，我还是要感恩，为这平静的一年而感恩，为能够平安的渡过一年而感恩，为着这无数的恩典而感恩。这短暂的一年，岁月悄悄地，或得或失，我们终究还是要说再见，那倒不如我们只看好的，带着每好的回忆走进新的一年！
我想，没有更好的新年目标会比平平安安的渡过一年来的更加值得感恩！

为着过去的日子我们感恩，也期盼着有更丰盛的一年在迎接这我们！

Merry Christmas!!!

2009-12-24T16:55:00.003+08:00

It's Christmas time again!!

So ladies and gentlemen, please kindly put your problem on probation; throw your worries into dustbin; silence all your inner critics......

ALLOW YOURSELF SOME HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Butterflies in my stomach.....

2009-12-22T10:33:00.004+08:00

It's my 19th week pregnancy now. Am glad as I almost reach my midpoint of pregnancy. Should I say now it's the enjoyable period ever since I'm pregnant. Nauseaness, vomitting, dizziness are gone and I can at least live as a normal person now.

I can drive alone now!
I can do the shopping alone now!
I can eat my normal meal now!
I can work as normal now!

Hurray......

And glad to annouce that I first feel the baby's first movements in last week. It's just a quickening which happened and last before I can put my hand on the stomach. People said they feel like butterflies in their stomach but I think it's feel more like growling stomach. The baby is very active nowsaday and naugthy as well. The kicking become more intense when I'm lying on my back and this just reassured me that the baby is growing well in my womb!

It's the most wonderful time for me when the baby is kicking!

捉着青春尾巴的女人！

2009-12-15T15:58:00.005+08:00

又是到了一年的尾端。

小时候，总是期待时间过得快一点，每天都属算，希望快一点长大。好不容易，琢磨长大了，又希望时间过得快一点，快一点出来社会工作。

感觉上，过去的日子都是在盼望着过得快一点。

后来，真的长大了，真的工作了；倒是每天祈祷日子过得慢一点，每天最好有多一个24小时。但是，时间总是在我们忙碌中悄悄地过去。有时候，在还没察觉时，又已经是年未了。

感觉上，我们多么盼望时间会为我们停驻在某个阶段！

看到Tammy的回忆录，我才焕然大雾，原来不只老公在感叹时间不待人，原来无情的岁月也在我脸上留下不少痕迹。每个月都花很多的钱在护肤品，每天晚上不管有多累，一定会努力的搽护肤品，每天都会照很多次的镜子，确保没有找到半条的皱纹；常常希望留住青春。不是因为，怕自己变老；不是因为，害怕看到脸上的皱纹；不是因为，我还没有别人三十岁前的第一个100k；而是，我盼望岁月会为我留守某个阶段，我盼望能为现在这个阶段留下多一点美丽的回忆。

二十岁到三十岁，别人都说这是一个黄金时段。有太多美好的事都发生在这个阶段。
二十岁时，是美好的大学时期，多姿多彩的学校生活，那时只是恨在没有太多多余的钱可以好好享受，不过还是很享受当时的生活。
后来，从学校毕业了，开始了崭新的工作生涯，每天朝九晚五的，虽然累但是每个月尾领了薪水后，还是觉得值得的。这时候，花的是自己的钱，感觉上很自在。开始拥有自己的产业，开着自己的车，看着储蓄户口不断增加的零，每个月又有固定的投资所得的回馈；这样的日子都是很多人享有的。
再后来，很多女孩都会赶在三十岁前披上白纱，与心爱的人步上红地毡，展开婚姻的生涯。这些好像都是理所当然的。

所以很多人很怕步入三十岁，不是因为怕老，而是想留住二十岁时的美好时段。
所以很多人都在感叹时间不待人。

我也是捉住青春尾巴的女人，虽然所有二十多岁人该有的我都有了，但是，我也害怕时光的流逝，尤其是在不知不觉中流走了！

低落，无助。。。

2009-12-11T10:20:00.003+08:00

我，的确很低落。
我尝试用别的事物来安慰自己，但是夜里我还是会默默的流下眼泪。
总是，感觉我的生活已经走到了另一个尽头，
如果，我不转弯，我想我会掉进深崖。
如果，我没有看到希望的曙光，我会在这黑暗中失去自我。

我的生活，不是我想要的。
我的日子，不是我向往的。
带着怀孕的身体，我不知往何处走。
带着肚子里的孩子，我不知道哪里才是我的藏身之地。
这个感觉很绝望，没有美丽的未来。
这个感觉很黑暗，没有重现的曙光。

我害怕这没有尽头的日子。
我害怕这黑漆漆的生活。
我该怎么办？
我该向谁哭述我的无助？
有时候，我希望每一天的二十四小时会过得快一点。
有时候，我希望黑夜会比白天长一点。

看着肚子里的孩子一天一天的长大，
我没有很兴奋的心情；
相反的，我很害怕。
总是觉得，我没有给孩子最好的怀孕期，
我没有给他一个快乐的怀孕期。
有时候，我甚至气恼为什么偏偏是这个时候。
我的心里明明就很盼望能怀上这孩子，
为什么，此时我的心情又很矛盾。

我恨现在的心情。
我很想脱离这样的心情。
我很想从我此时的生活里出走。

我累了，真的累了。。。。

终于走到这里了！

2009-11-12T14:04:00.005+08:00

很久没有上来了。不是失踪了，而是变懒了。

怀孕之后，害喜的状况每天都在狠狠地扎我，有时候可以吐上一整天，对食物我早就失去了欲望，只要一想到呕吐的滋味，我还是很难把食物咽下去。

两个星期前的产检，我的血压是偏低的，所以医生也解析了为什么我老是犯头疼。每天晕晕沉沉的过去，没有上街，没有工作，生活里就只有睡觉吃饭吃药。就因为偏低的血压，又剥夺了我开车的专利。

在然后，就是我很常有流血的迹象，每次都很害怕的跑到医院，每次都把自己弄得很紧张，每次见到医生，又是一轮的扫描，需要确定我的宝宝还是健康的在肚子里，感谢神，每一次都让我们见到这宝宝强而有力的心跳，每一次都因为这样，才把我那忐忑不安的心给定了下来。每一次离开医院前，医生一定又是嘱咐我要好好地休息，不要乱跑，最好不要提重的东西。

感觉上，是苦多过乐。不过，怀孕还是一件美事！每次，看到这幼小的生命很活泼的在肚子里挪动的时候，才焕然一悟，我的肚子里还有一个小生命。有时还巴不得自己也有一架超音波，可以每天看看孩子在肚子里的情况。

孕育一个小生命，还是一件美事！现在，总算来到了第四个月，总算进入了另一段人家所谓的怀孕蜜月期。我得好好享受这还是二人世界的日子，也盼望多把怀孕的点滴记载下来。

When we first met!

2009-10-26T15:41:00.006+08:00

Pregnancy is an exciting time, having a baby growing in my womb is really an incredible experience. I experienced the new things, feelings everyday, every moment every second.

18/09/09, this is a great day. I couldn't forgot the excitement when we saw this fetal through the ultrasound scanning for the very first time. We are both excited especially the dad-to-be. I saw his smile all the way back from the hospital. We are exceited as we are now going to have our first baby. We are excited as we are parent-to-be now.

My pregnancy didnt go as smooth as other mom-to-be. Despite experiencing those morning sickness all the days and nights, I have bleeding during my 5th week of pregnancy where this really caused me much worries. But thanks God for his protects, my gynea able to found my fetal heartbeat when we rush to hospital on the same day. I know and I am sure God is listening to my prayer and He is taking good care of my baby. We are both thankful for this healthy pregnancy.

Though i did suffered a lot from the severe morning sickness. Though I felt so tired all the days. Though I lost my appetite ever since pregnant. But it's just worth enough when I see my fetal is now growing into a baby. We saw the baby is actively kicking his leg and waving his hand through the ultrasound few days ago. I know all my suffers is worthy for the healthy baby.

Pregnant ain't easy. It's not a coincidence for a sperm to collide with an egg. It's not a guarantee that a fertilized egg will implant at the uterus wall. But one thing for sure is, we did won this special prize. It's a special gift from our God.

One year old wife

2009-10-19T13:52:00.004+08:00

Mignon McLaughlin said “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”.

It's has been a year into the marriage life. Frankily, it's a fresh and challenging starting. We are both imperfect individual and are united through a bond called marriage. We shared all the days and nights together and it's a 'must" we had quarrels, arguing, conflicts.... sometimes, we sort of idea how to resolve the conflicts, sometimes we lost our temper, sometimes we cried for no reason....but we never doubted how mush this marriage meant for us.

I thank god for giving this precious year and guiding me through the road of marriage. I thank to my beloved husband for his patience and cares throughtout the whole year. He did filled my missing parts when i first left my home last year. He did wiped off my tears when i missed my mom. He had brought me to the start of new life and I know he will hold tightly for the rest of our shared life.

Today, we celebrated our first anniversary with our little one in my womb. I am so glad we are now heading to another new stage of life.

终于，那第二条线出现了！

2009-09-17T16:30:00.005+08:00

我们一直以来，都盼望能拥有自己的孩子，奈何我们却没有那么幸运。

我的周期一向不准，上个月惯列性的迟了，贪玩的用了佩玲送我的验孕棒，结果还是一条线。说也奇妙，我这人还蛮会疑神疑鬼的，肚子一直疼痛，我以为是不是我的子宫发炎还是。。。总之就是想些不好的。老公被我的碎碎念念烦了，所以我们还是跑了一趟的妇产科。

医生为我做了扫描，发现子宫内膜变厚了，有怀孕的迹象。但是并没有发现胚囊，我于是又被叫去验尿，我还以为我的眼睛出问题了，竟然是很浅的第二线。归我刚才还自告奋勇的对医生说不可能是怀孕。

我们两，担担忑忑的从医院会来，后来还是自己在家验了两次，结果，那第二条线出现了，还是很深的第二线，但是，接下来还是一轮的担忧。

星期一在回去扫描时还是没见到胚囊，心里还真的很失望，又在想些不好的假如！这一次，我们还是担忑不安的会来了，尽管做医生的姐夫一直告诉现在做超音扫描还是太早了点，叫我们在耐心的等待。

今天，午餐后突然发现流血了，我突然全身发冷，我以为我会失去你了，可恶的是我们在去医院的路上又频频与上红灯，我的心快急透了，我只能默默无助的祷告，让身来带领，我也自能将这小生命交托神。时间的煎熬，我们总算看到医生了，他劈头第一句话就是，流血是不好的迹象。我更百感交集，躺在床上等待扫描时，我又是无助的祷告，奇妙的是我们终于透过银幕上看到胚囊了。感谢神，谢谢你保守着这小生命，谢谢你终于让我们见到了他。

预约了下一次的扫描，阿爸父神，求你保守着这小生命，让我们能在下一次的扫描中看到他微小的心跳。带着一包药，也只能听话的在家静静的躺着安胎。

如果，你看到了这分享，艮求你为我的小生命祷告。谢谢！！

时间的无情！

2009-09-10T16:20:00.003+08:00

近日来，频频听到身边的朋友，同学，知交都传来喜讯，有者是注册结婚，有者是筹备婚礼，有者更是升级当爸爸或妈妈了，不得不感叹我们都长大了。

上个星期，和一班中学时期的同学一起打羽球，看到每个人都不一样了，他们的身形没有改变，而是大家的心境不一样了。大家打招呼时，不在是关心你功课会做吗？你考试拿几分？而是，你最近过得好吗？你结婚了吗？你在哪里工作？工作还顺利吗？霎那间，我发现我们都变老了，我们都长大了。

时间悄悄的过去，剥夺了我们的青春年华。
时间的无情，皱纹也开始无情的长在我们脸上。
时间的磨练，我们长大了也真正的看到生命的真理。

人的生命好短暂，瞬间二十年就过去了。看到同学都上大学了，自己会想和他们一起跨进这门拦。看到同伴们开始拍拖时，会想找个伴侣做伴。看到身边的朋友披上婚纱走上红地毯时，会盼望有一天教堂的钟会为你被敲响。看到小时候的朋友牵着孩子时，会想拥有自己的孩子。人就是常常跟着别人的影子走，当然，这不是必然的。有时，我们会跟对了，纳闷的是有时我们会因此而失去了方向和自我。

快进入三十了，我不晓得我还有多少个二十年来回想，我是踏在自己的道路，朝着自己的方向走去，我只能那劲头是我向往的，是对的。

Is a faint line means for positive pregnancy test?

2009-09-07T16:30:00.006+08:00

We visited the Gynea again this afternoon. Am having mild stomach cramp these few days and most of all my menstrual cycle is delayed for two weeks. I'm worried there is something wrong on my MC again as it couldn't be pregnant due to the negative HPT.

Doctor perform the uterus scanning for me again. The uterus lignin is thicken but couldn't found any pregnancy sac. So, I have been asked to do a pregnancy test again, it shows a FAINT POSITIVE line on the result screen. Could I be pregnant?

I have no idea but the Doctor treated me as a pregnant woman and gave me folic acid.

We are going back with a pack of folic acid and a scanning printing and the test result. We have no idea about my result but hopefully we will be able to see the pregnancy sac in our next scanning on the coming monday.

Please keep me in your prayer!!!!!!!!! I really need it.

我的少数自制卡

2009-09-07T09:32:00.005+08:00

老公，有严重的慵懒，这是他三十年前就被养成的坏习惯。

我在收拾他的抽屉时，发现那一个空间里全都是我给他的卡片。我很少做卡片送人，我很懒惰，也很嫌麻烦，要亲手做卡片，所以他是唯一例外的！

纸花卷

这是，想念老公时做的。两只皮卡求猫是我们俩，虽然是短暂的分离但是却有如隔三秋。拍拖一年时的。拍拖两年时的。这些都是没有心思作的。结婚半年时的，卡上的心是由183个小心心组成的。

我，并没有什么艺术细胞，也是很懒惰的家伙，但是最近却爱上了自制的卡片。买了一大堆的纸和材料，希望好好的挖掘自己沉睡的细胞。。。

A lesson from an incident

2009-09-02T08:46:00.003+08:00

It's a Monday evening and we drove all the way from 4th miles to central park to buy coughing medicine. Am having mild irritating cough since sunday night and thought of seeing the panel doctor across the road but unfortunately the clinic is cosed due to the Merdeka public holiday.

This XXX is the only pharmacy that operate in this holiday evevning and with no others better choice we walked in and ask for the dear pharmacist the medicine we are looking for. I always get the nurses to write down the medicine's name whenever the doctor prescript the medicines to me. So, I told the dear mr. pharmacist I want Nospan for irritating cough, but unfortunately Nospan is out of stock then I mentioned to him another cough syrup called Cough-en. He didn't respond to my request but asking what is our profession? Why did we so familiar with the medicine's name? Are you travel this recently? Do you have fever other than cough? He didn't even get the information from me and he gave me a mask and warn me to put on mask as he said I am a 99.9% H1N1 patient....WoW....all fo a sudden, all the dear customers and shopper run away from me and I am so gladful that darling still holding my hand tightly at that moment.

I did respond to him after couple seconds. First of all, I didnt travel this recently. I have no fever and flu at the moment. I am not a medicine profession but it's a need for us to remember the name of the medicines we took.

But he still insisted saying I am a 99.9% H1N1 patient. And he force(I used force becoz he didnt even give us a chance to buy other medicine like Tami-flu for Influenza A) us to buy a so called supplementary, Nutriferon. It's cost us RM6 for each small pack. We with no other choices again to pay the money and leave the pharmacy with the 4 packs of Nutriferon..

Nutriferon is not a medicine and it's a direct sales product. Well this is my first and last visit to this pharmacy. The pharmacist is using his professionalism to earn extra through selling the direct sales product.

As a conclusion from this incident, the direct sale agent will only be sucessful if he is a profession. I hardly being convinced by these bunch of hard people but this is the first time I bought this useless product!

They are a bunch of hard people.

2009-08-24T14:11:00.006+08:00

Frankily, I neither like direct sale agent nor insurance sale person. Few years past, I have a friend who is working as an insurance agent and I can't agreed with the way he convinced others to buy an insurance plan from him. He used to stabbed you in front of your friends just hoping that you will sign up any plan from him due to the guilty-ness. He promised to service me till the end of my insured period but now I can't even contact him due to some changes in my policy.

well, they are just a bunch of hard people as:
1. they like to make spartial yet beautiful promise but in fact they will ran off after you signed up the policy
2. they always trying hard to praise and convinced you so that you will dump a large amount of money to them but in fact i would feel it's more valuable if I can dump more money to any promisable fund

Last night, we had a family reunion at granpa's place to celebrate his birthday. We normally will meet up all our relatives in this family occassion but last night there are two aliens sitting with us. We are so curious to find out who are them? They first start the conversation by checking the outer part of our ears. Woww...another bunch of weird couple. We had 9 dishes last night and they can talk and eat alots along the dinner. Am sure cousin and his wife are felt uneasy just like us. Foods are always taste better with the better and comfort dining environment. But last night, we were having the worst one with this two gentleman and lady. They kept persuading us to buy their product. They kept commenting the foods are oily and yet the eat quite a lots. They even turn down the doctor's theory and treatment. I just can't agreed with this at all. Well, if the supplementary works better than doctor treatment and medicines, then it's worthless for the six years medicine study.

Well, they are too a bunch of hard people as:
1. they are boasting but in fact they know nothing about the product they are selling
2. they are acting professionla but in fact they are getting the info from the product description (I can sometime spotted they are reading the task exactly from the handbook)

I have no intention to turn down these people but honestly they left a bad impression to me.

blanc frénésie

2009-08-21T10:14:00.004+08:00

我不知什么时候，成了白色主义族。我很喜欢白色，不管是衣服，鞋子，甚至是家里的用具，我都以白色为主。

喜欢白色，没有特别的原因，就因为白色给人一种很纯洁，很干净，很舒服的感觉。爱上白色也可能跟我的古铜色肌肤有极大的关系，感觉上那些较耀眼的颜色好像跟我搭搭不配。每一次逛街购物，白色都成为我的首选，除了我的白色主义作祟，也贪它容易搭配。

我想，我的白色主义已经到了一个很严重的地步。现在，买衣服给老公时，我都选白色的。昨天去买礼物给朋友的孩子时，我也一直的找白色的，但是售货员告诉我，白色婴孩衣服比较少；而且白色太单调，多数人不喜欢。我想，我是有点疯了！

有时候，我们疯狂的爱上某种东西，一味的爱着它，甚至没有察觉我们有了这样的一个怪癖。每个人，都会有对某种东西特别的喜好，但是这并没有错。白色虽然太单调，但是我还是会一样的做我的白色主义族！

Efficiency of Facebook

2009-08-20T09:53:00.005+08:00

Nowsday, Facebook has fast developed into a great social networking website where the users can either adds their friends and share their life together.I can't deny that Facebook is a very efficient friend finding platform to me for where I can even found my old schoolmates who i have lost contacts for a decade. Am glad to found those lost friends and am too disappointed at the same time. People might mis-used it.

I am wondering did i behaved so badly as a department leader? I am wondering why my boss can be so generous to promote me and give me such high pay if I am not meet their criteria and requirements at all? Does this sound innocent? Or is this reasonable?

The words that she wrote doesn't resembles that's my personality. To be frankily, I am kind of hard people to work with as I perform works accordingly the oepration manual for where I would think it's a must for us who is doing quality control works. I can't tolerate with even a very small mistake during the testing as it might leads to a serious fault later. This is what I learned from my schooling time. Is the strictness during the training a mistake again?

I found that fella is funny indeed. She keeps flaming the threat and her kepoism is so terrible. I would give the FB a big thumb up for its usefulness where I finally found the person who back stabbed me for the past few months and I finally got myself an answer why she turn her face away when I met her at the Spring( am sure she felt guilty for her action). I am not going to give her a slap but my hands clap for her kepoism and her generousity for sharing her real feeling in this glabal social platform. How dare she did that!

The wonder of baby

2009-08-18T09:48:00.002+08:00

At last, we visited a Gynea specialist last few weeks and get the first fertility check-up. We hardly make this decision to take the first step and felt worried too at the same time.

We wish we don't have to suffer alots to get a baby but in fact we need the treatment now. The gynea first advises husband to do a SA checking and husband seems refuse to proceed the checking in the first place. He kept delaying the time for semen collection. I have no any idea to push him and I leave the decision to him. I am glad he did it yesterday after a few week delaying. I make a call to the gynea and thanks God the result is ok which means he is healthy enough.

I couldn't figure my mind after the call. The problem is not from him, then it must be from me. I pray to the God hardly and faithfully everyday. i am doubted why He didnt heard my prayers? why He didn't give me what i suppose to have? why should i suffer alots? there is a minute where my mind is blank. I could think of a word to comfort myself. I'll go for the ovulation medication after my next mestrual. I really wish I don't have to suffer alot and I pray that I don't have to go that far to get a baby.

好婚姻，绝对是可预期的！

2009-08-13T14:36:00.004+08:00

“ 婚姻為何無法幸福?

他們都太執著用「自己」的方法愛對方，而不是用「對方」的方式愛另一半。

自己累得半死，對方還感受不到，最後面對婚姻的期待，也就灰心而死了。

既然上帝創造婚姻，

我想，每個人都值得擁有一個好婚姻，

只要方法用對，作「對方要的﹗」而非自己「想給的﹗」

好婚姻，絕對是可預期的。”

这反映着现代人的婚姻。刚进入婚姻的我，我没有什么可以分享，勉之的。不过，看了这段话，很有共鸣。很常，我们在婚姻里感到不耐烦，厌倦，气馁，不是莫名其妙的！这段话其实还有前言的，看了它的前言，再看看我自己的婚姻，我有时候也会用自己的方法对待对方。有时，我也以为，丈夫要的是一个可以照顾他，帮他把家里打扫干净，帮他烧饭煮菜的妻子；但是事实并不是如此。他要的是一个伴！

后来发现，原来我们都很享受一起看电视的时间，哪怕那是无聊的八卦节目仰或是沉闷的清谈节目。我们享受的不是节目的内容而是互相陪伴的那段优质时光。这种感觉远远比在夜里努力的擦地板。

我和他都是很白的人，要我们猜透对方的想法，我想那可能需要很久的时间。他会直接告诉我他在婚姻里的需要和期待。可能，这样就不浪漫了，但是总好过承受互相猜测的煎熬。

婚姻，可以很幸福，但是如果总是执迷不悟的用自己的方法去经营婚姻，那么可能这美丽的童话就会有瑕疵了！！

Thanks to Tammy for this FWD mail. I found it's really meant for those Newlywed couple or who wish to enter this lovely marriage life and as well as those who are married for couples years.

感恩，你做到了吗？

2009-08-10T15:20:00.003+08:00

今天当你睁开眼时，你有没有因为自己还活着而感恩？
今天当你吃着妈妈或太太准备的普通早餐，你有没有因为还有东西吃而感恩？
今天当你带着不情愿的心情上班时，你有没有因为自己还有工作而感恩？

我们很少也很难为这自己所拥有的而感恩。相反，我们很难满足于现况。

今天当你被闹钟吵醒时，你肯定会埋怨又是起身上班的时间。
今天当你看到桌面上的面包牛奶早餐时，你可能会埋怨又是这样单调的早餐。
今天当你开着车子上班时，你或许会埋怨为什么要工作。

你可能曾经埋怨为什么别人开名牌车，你却开小车。
你可能曾经埋怨为什么别人的工作很轻松，赚得比你多，你却辛勤工作方才胡饱口。
你可能曾经埋怨为什么他会有个有钱爸爸，可以平步青云；你却需靠自己努力才可享福。

这是，我们的本性。我们很难为自己拥有的而感恩，我们很少感恩，但是却常常埋怨！其实，你方可认真地看看自己，你也是一个福溢满杯的人。今天我们还活着，这是一个福份。今天我们还拥有一份稳固的工作，这是一个福份。今天我们有一个生活的伴侣，这是一个福份。今天我们所拥有的全部，都是一个福份！

我们人类，其实很可悲！曾经有个统计，我们祷告时用得最多的字是~“求主赐我。。。”我们常常希望得到这个那个，我们没有做错，因为我和你都是人类，我们的心底深处常常有很多梦想，有很多想要的东西。

但是，我们必须学习感恩。为着自己的所有而感恩。

123456789

2009-08-07T16:55:00.002+08:00

123456789 day, a big moment comes at 12:34:56 on 07/08/09. For the digitally inclined marks a cool spots in the history. It's only happen once in a life time. It's also happen once in every 81 years.

It's special but I don't think it's worth to celebrate!Nothing is happen and I'm enjoying mom's delicious lunch at that moment and being grateful as I'm still alive!!!

我的过去，我的现在。

2009-08-06T16:50:00.006+08:00

昨天，在MSN里遇见失去联络多时的朋友。他，曾经是我室友的男朋友。其实，当她告诉我，她已接受了他时，我又点意外，那时候我在想，他不是就要飞到日本深造了吗，他们为什么那么唐突，决定在一起呢？

后来，再见到她时，她告诉我他们分开了。从在一起到分开，我想就只是短短的两三个月。我没有很意外的感觉。年少时，我们总会有这样冲动的决定，情欲初开，被感觉牵着走。短暂的在一起，匆匆的渡过极短的日子，初恋的喜悦也是匆忙结束了。

昨天，友人也在言谈间问我：我是不是很坏，这样匆忙的离开她。她这么好，现在一定会过得很好。一段爱情结束了，没有所谓的谁对谁错。两个人都必须为这结束负责任，同样的两个人都已付出同等的代价。其实，我很不能忍受后面那句话。曾经在一本书上这么写着~分手后，如果任何一方说了这句话，那么他/她并没有认真地看待对方，也没有认真地思想他们的爱情。说了这一句话，也不就代表着他/她不好吗，也不就代表着离开对方才是他/她最好的选择吗！

与友人的一席话，突然把我带回好多年前，我很匆忙的恋上了初恋男友，我们也很匆忙的拍了速时拖，我们在一起的时间很短，短得让我很难在记忆中寻找那几片掉落的回忆。当他离我而去时，他也说了后面那句话。我想，当一个人准备离开他/她的情人时，曾几何时这句话已成了他们的口头弹，这句话已变成分手的经典名言了！他/她如果说了这么一句话，其实也反映着他/她是想禰补自己离开对方的过失，他/她希望藉由这句话让自己心里好过一点，他/她是想藉由把自己降格来安慰对方。老实说，只有当事人才知道，你是不是好情人，你适合他/她吗。这句话不止没有取得安慰的作用，反而会让对方更耿耿于怀，自责自己当初没有作对的选择，这一句话其实还更伤他/她的心。所以，要分手嘛，要不就撒脱点，要不就坚决点。不要自大的以为你可以安慰被你抛弃的他/她，不要到分手的那一刻还抢着做大情圣。提出分手的那一方，总是有很多理由，也许他/她是想为自己的过失找一个最合适的借口，希望为自己找一个下台的台阶。

我，是经过这一条路的人，我是从这句话中重新站起来的人，我很明白这句话的含义。没有人愿意经历分手的痛，没有人愿意为过气情人流一滴眼泪，但是，事实总是这样，经历过分手的人，总是在泪水中找到新的方向，总是在泪水中站起来。

我感谢，我的初恋。虽然，我也曾经痛恨他，为什么不告而别，为什么把我牵在手里又突然间松开手，挥挥衣袖，从此消失。我也曾经默默地大哭，我也走过好暗的低谷。不过，我要谢谢他的那句分手名言，让我彻底的从这段感情中走出来。他既然连这句话也说了，我想再也没有值得我留恋的地方了。

亲爱的曾经问我，他给了你什么会忆。抚心自问，没有，真的没有！我甚至忘了，他第一次牵着我的感觉，甚至忘了他用什么感动了我。我不知道是我太无情还是他真的没有什么特别到让我毕生难忘的地方，他就好像被我从记忆中删除掉一样，也许是在一起的时间太短了，短到我们没法为彼此留下任何回忆。也许，我根本就不想记起这个男人。也许，我这时候的生活太幸福了，我没有理由让自己留恋过去的伤感。

初恋，并不是最难忘的。我想，这样也好。我从来没有把亲爱的和初恋情人作比较，我从来没有把这段感情和初恋作比较。记得，还没结婚前，亲爱的曾经问我试探我，要我分享我的初恋，我只做了非常简短的分享，不是我逃避，而是事实正是这样，初恋没有在我的心里刻下扎根，它只是我生命的一个插曲。虽然说这个小插曲也取得伤害的作用，不过它也是一个我成长的标记。因为初恋时的过失，让我在这此时的感情路走得特别的用心，因为初恋的伤害，让我铭记感情路上的付出是相互的，因为初恋的唐突，让我更小心的选择我现在的对象。

失去初恋，不是不好。它是一面镜子，赤裸裸的反射着你进入另一段感情的样式。

我的初恋是失败的，是苦滋的。不过，我感恩，后来遇到了亲爱的，他没有什么特别，但是他的心非常的坚决，他从一开始就没有想过松开他的手，越是遇到拦阻，他越是把我的手握得更紧，因为他的坚决，因为他的信心，我也从来没有想过放弃。爱情，最唯美的不是浪漫的经历，而是这份安稳的感觉；爱情最炫耀的不是找到一个浪漫的情人，而是找到一个愿意一起成长，一起经历无数拦阻的对象。爱情没有所谓的试用期；爱情没有所谓的蜜月期；爱，应该是细水长流的，永无止境的！结婚后，他任燃还是我的情人，只是多了一个身份，他是我的丈夫，是我至亲的家人。我不想把他从情人变成家人，因为我总是认为如果把情人变成家人，那么我们的爱情就不会加温了，那么我们的感情也许就不会是建立于爱了，我永远没有办法把情人和家人同等化。

**这是一篇莫名其妙的布落格。只是想与我的落友分享我的小小成长故事。**

我感恩，因为我变了！

2009-08-03T15:24:00.005+08:00

看了朋友的部落格，突然让我感触很深。

我，开了电视，播着几年前在念书时拍的照片，我只有一个感觉，我很讨厌当时候的我。（It's me in 2004.)

我还记得，有一天，我从学校回来，一个要好的朋友对我说了这么一句话：我的朋友刚刚在学校看到你，他说他以为为什么会有一个妇女在学校走来走去，看清楚原来是你。这一句话，我一直

记在心里，我告诉自己，我一定要瘦下来，我要改变。

女人，很在意别人对她们外表的批评，更何况当时候我只是一个二十出头的女孩。我的心的的确确的受伤了。我的信心彻底的受挫，我以为，我会完蛋。看到身边的姐妹都有伴侣，看到中学时期的好朋友结婚了，反观我还是孤孤单单的一个人。女人，不懂得打扮，不懂得穿衣，好像就彻底的失败了！

最近爱上了看这个台湾中意节目~我爱美丽~。她说，女人好像过了20岁，打扮的细胞才开窍，女人要懂得打扮，这样才能把头抬得高一点！我想，爱美本来是天性，我也很爱美，不过，我却很在意过去，我的确不应该让自己长胖，我的确不应该让自己的过去几年过得如此荒废。我用荒废是因为，我总觉得，因为我的外表的关系让我的过去过得很颓丧！所以，因为那个人的那句话，我一定要瘦下来，我要丢掉我的大脸，我要把我的尺玛减小，我要改变，我要变变变变变！！！！！

我感恩，我总算瘦下来了，我的大脸终于离我而去了。

(I can still wear the same dress after 5 years time but it's exactly the different look.)

现在，那个当年把我批为妇女的男人，我希望他的眼睛会亮了！我是因为那句话，让自己瘦下来的，绝对不是因为他我瘦下来的！看到身边的朋友都走上减肥大计划，我还是很感恩，我没有绝食，我没有运动，也没有上减肥中心，因为工作的压力，我把赘肉摔了。我披上婚纱时是我最瘦的时候，我没有特意的减肥，婚纱改了又改，后来我结婚前每个晚上，我还有免费的宵夜，就是为了要把我养肥点。女人，爱美是天性。女人，小气也许也是天性。我就因为小气，所以我讨厌那个当年批评我的男人，所以我一定要减肥！

Transformer: Revenge of the fallen

2009-07-30T17:09:00.003+08:00

We went for this so called high rated movie last night. Maybe I am just the kind of too old for this movie. I didn't find any funny shot while the rest in the cinema laughing crazily.

I agreed with Dorcas, where the plot is ok. Loud, long and utterly incomprehensible movie is an another exquisitely painful experience that pumpels the sense as both of us slept at the middle of the movie show. but honestly, i just don't like the robotic theory and this explained well why i dont like the movie.

OLD EMAILS

2009-07-23T16:33:00.003+08:00

I was reading the old mails in my mail box this morning and these drag me into a downstream where i can't really figure what is the cause? Life can be so tranquil and yet traumatic at times. I learned not to be so fatigue about the changing at different stages for where i found the unwillingness to change will just keep me at certain stage of life and it will just self-build another boundary. I always have the perception of being myself and I always want to act in the way I like to be.

Few years passed, I am now who I suppose to be and I am where I belong to. Four years study life in KL are always in memory. It's good and bad, mixed experiences. I missed those times, honestly as I enjoy the freedom to the fullness. I missed those times we are staying under on roof where 8 of us are taking each other as family member. I like 306 which has a sense of home even though we are just friends. Andy greets me all the best and remind me to keep touch before I wave to everybody and bye the house four years ago. Every of us had turn into different direction now. I am not sure whether the bond still existing between us but absolutely the memories is always in our mind. We had never been gather again after the departure, it's just seem like the circle is completed 4 years ago and there is no continuos drawing till today. We are actually in the same place same coordinate but gather again is seem impossible for us again. I am sad, truly! Andy said something on my wedding which still keep refreshing in my mind. "See! we have 6 of us tonight. This is the first gathering after our graduation. " Though it's sad for the fact and I should be happy to be the host of this precious gathering.

I understand, friends will never being around us all the times. Some people come into my lives and quickly go.I appreciate their presence as they left some memory to me too. Some stay for a while and being my great companion along same ages. I too appreciate them as they leave footprints on my hearts where I am never ever the same now. Some are sent from my Heavenly Father whose understand my feeling well, whose came for the joyous and for the sarrow, whose share the unexplained bond. I truly appreciated and cherish this friend as even we are thousand miles apart, she is still touching my heart to some extend.

COUGH

2009-07-22T08:35:00.003+08:00

Am having irritating unproductive cough for about 1 week++.. It's tiring and seriously affected my usual sleeping hour. The throat itchyness becomes worst when my head is touched the pillow and it's causing me to cough badly.

At first, Darling suspects it might be due to the dryness in the AC room so he bought one steamer in order to moisturize the room dryness. I was asked to sleep beside the steamer for these two days but still cough badly. I have no choice but still eat the medicines accordingly everyday.

Huh... I really hope the cough will be go away sooner later.

Saturday Night

2009-07-18T22:40:00.002+08:00

I have been sick for a week. It's tiring & restless. My nose is never been blocked like tonight where i can't use my nose to breath at all. I continuosly using my mouth to inhale and exhale but this just caused another problem. Throat is dry and itchy and am coughing like my puppy barking.

I have seen Doctor twice and he said the same word~~SUPERFICIAL. His advise please drink more water and no more air cond while sleeping. i drink lotsa water and juices everyday. I cant sleep without air cond for the reason our house is located at the main road side. I am goona to fall sick because suck in too much dust if i turn off AC and open my window widely at night.

At last the doctor gave me Nospan for coughing, Became fro running nose and Davmorid for throat itchyness. I guess the medicine didn't work on me. as I still cough like dog barking, my nose still not fuctioning.

Worst still, husband went fishing tonight and will only be home tomorrow afternoon. I actually felt disappointed and angry as well. Why don't he stay back just for the sack of his beloved wife? Why should i suffering alone at home while he is enjoying himself in the middle of sea. All of a sudden, am missing home so much and wish can sleep home tonight to be pampered by mom.

I better shut off now otherwise i might be driving home in the midnight later. Hopefully the cup of bird nest making by mom in law will works on me tonight.

心情日记

2009-07-13T11:40:00.005+08:00

心情，灰灰的，

带点失望，带点苦恼，带点期待。。。

我们尝试了快一年，

但是，每一次都是失败！

我，和他，

超爱小孩，

小孩也跟我很有缘，

但是，偏偏我们一直期待有自己的孩子，

就是没能成功。

阿伟一直都比我乐观，

他总是安慰我说，神有他的时间，祂一定会为我们预备。

我，

也知道：神有祂的计划，祂的意念高过人的思想，

但，我还是无法控制我的情绪，

为什么？祂是否有听我的祷告？

为什么？祂听到了却不应允？

为什么？。。。。

有时候，

我不晓得，神为什么要这样试验我们的信心，

是我们太心急了吗，

还是我们身体亮红灯了。

我，

不敢作任何的设想，

我只盼望，有一天我和他会看到我们的小生命。

The Rainforest World Music Festival 2009

2009-07-10T10:39:00.003+08:00

The Rainforest World Music Festival,

a not-to-be-missed occasion which guarantees a smashing time in the heart of the Borneo Jungle !

The Rainforest World Music Festival is a unique festival that brings together on the same stage renowned world musicians from all continents and indigenous musicians from the interiors of the mythical island of Borneo.

We received 4 free 1-day pass from our priority banking banker. We suppose to have an excellent experience in this world ranked musical festival but due to the HIN1 swine flu, we once missed the chance again.

Mathew 6: 14-15

2009-07-09T09:28:00.005+08:00

Thanks to Adrian for reminding me this bible quote.

Mathew 6: 14-15

For if you will forgive men their offences, your heavenly Father will forgive you also your offences. 15 But if you will not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your offences.

A friend called me up on sunday afternoon and shot me directly over a problem which totally has no connection to me. I am wondering why the call came to me in this beautiful sunday afternoon. All of a sudden, there are questions floating in mind.

1. why did she called me?
2. why don't she called her husband rather than calling me?
3. why should i being blame over this problem?
4. why did she drag myself into innocent situation?
5. what is her purpose for calling me?
6. did the call really meant for sharing?
7. did she really think thoroughly before making the call?
8. did she aware who is she talking to?.................

I couldn't help with any opinion since this has no any connection to me and it's even non of my concern at all. at first, i thought she make the wrong call but now then i understand her intention. well, i neither have comment on her problem nor my nephew's atitude. i think that should be their problem, they are adults thus they suppose mature enough to solve their own problem. it is not good for me to add any comments or any advise over his atitude. I keep my mouth shut and hopefully i wouldn't get any harm later.

but..............

the worst thing happen. she is now turn wild and un-reasonable!

well, i just want to clarify here,
1. he is only my nephew
2. i am not close to him at all
3. this is your family problem thus it's not necessary for me to get involved
4. i am saying truth rather than flaming her thread
5. disaster

Everyone has temptation to commit fault but they shouldn't let this temptation to go wild. or else, she herself is welcoming the evil to stay in her. I too is disappointed at this friend who i had known for few years.

My intention still going the right way.

oh God, please guide me over this. please help me to overcome this thread. Please showers me with your holy spirit and strengthen me to forgive those who are wronged. Please blessed them as well too.

When Ed is missing.....

2009-07-02T10:05:00.006+08:00

I'm lying on the bed,

the room is dark,

i hear Elijah's tititata telling story to his mom,

and suddenly I wonder where you are tonight,

I wonder did u asleeped already,

I wonder how's your sore throat,

I wonder did you slept well these few night....

No answer on the handphone,

and only the operator is talking everytime i called you.

No email on the labtop,

and only the junk mail everytime i checked my mail-box.

The day goes by so slow,

the night goes by so long,

I hope the clock wills go faster,

I hope the sunlight wills soon replace the night,

I hope the week will soon comes to the end,

aloooooone!

Till now,

I realized I'm not suppose to be alone,

I realized I'm not used to be alone,

I realized I cared about you,

I realized you had became a part of mine.

You are missing,

with no phone call no email no night night greet,

and this really chills me to the bone,

and this really drive me crazy to some extend.

How do I carry on life alone,

how do i carry on life without you....

I missed you!

Oh...Thanks God for the network availability,

I get your short call after three alone long days.

Thank you for the call,

Thank you for back in one piece.

**Darling is on travelling trip again. He is going to conduct a after -sale -seminar on behalf of France supplier at bakun timber camp. there is no handphone signal coverage, no internet service, no satellite phone.i have no connection with him these few days.**

My first Sock toy

2009-06-30T09:39:00.003+08:00

These are specially make for my sunday school kids. I have been together with them for 3 months times, they are a bunch of 3-4 years old kid. it's kind of hard for me to conduct the bible lesson in their group. their age seem too young to digest the teaching of bible and they even dont understand what i am talking about most of the time. but i truly enjoyed the times with them, they are lovely and adorable.

如果他不忠心

2009-06-25T08:45:00.005+08:00

前段日子，听姐说她有个要好的朋友，结婚三个月就离开丈夫的家，搬回到自己的老家，原因她老公有外遇。这女人这男人订了十多年的婚约，记得，他们中学一毕业就订婚了，一走就走了十多年，十多年里，她和他一起供车贷款，她让他免费住在她家，十多年后，好不容易结了婚，婚后的三个月，她发现他有外遇，而这婚外情早在他们结婚前就发展了, 她就截然的离开他，而他也再没有回来找她，从此失去了所有的音讯，是他不再留恋这女人了呢？还是他早就对她没有感情了？我在想，他不爱她了，哪为何还要结婚，为何还要给她那美丽的承诺。这女人，难道就没有用十多年的时间看清楚这男人吗？为什么，她没在结婚前就发现老公有外遇? 是这男人太小心呢？还是这女人太粗心呢?

那一天，听到一个这样的消息，他去偷吃，结果让他老婆患上了第一期癌症。
他们的爱情故事，是童话式的。从高中时期就开始拍拖，一直到去年才结婚，他和她被十多年的感情牵连着，本以为这就是美丽童话故事的结局。能够和一个心爱的人携手共走十多年的时间才进入婚姻，那时多么美，多让人羡慕的一对佳偶。我，以为十多年了，她应该看清楚他的本性了，她应该对他有足够的了解了，他应该对她忠诚了，他应该认定她了，但是，事情却是我们出乎意料外的。他竟然对她不忠，有了不知是婚外情还是一夜情，结果把性病带给了这个与他相守十多年的女人。她，一直到今天还被蒙在鼓里，她甚至不知道，是她那个每晚睡在她身旁的男人把这个病带给她，她仍然还是持守着这段婚姻。我想，这女人是善良的，她骨子里可能从来都没有怀疑她这个病是哪来的。相反的，这男人是残忍的，他怎么可以这样忍心去伤害他‘心爱’的女人，我很质疑这男人的品格，他到底爱不爱她，他知道这残酷的消息时，他的心又没有被刺的感觉。

事实的残酷，我们不得不低头。我看到这两个女人，心情超难过的，他们把女人最珍贵的青春给了他们心爱的男人，换来的却是无情的对待。前者也许还好，至少她带着健康的自己离开他，后者还是被蒙在鼓里，而且还把自己的健康都赔上了，为了这样的一格男人，值得吗？

她们都有一个共同点，她们用她们全心去爱着她们的男人，她们无怨无悔的奉献了自己最美的十多年，换来了一段破碎的婚姻，我想她们很可悲也很可怜。

他们也有一个共同点，都是负心的男人，他们也许有一颗黑色的心，他们都很残忍，他们对他们得感情都不负责任，我想这样的男人根本就不配让女人来爱他。我想，他们也很可悲。

感觉很悲伤，难道爱情这么脆弱吗？难道婚姻已变成了虚空吗？爱情是建立婚姻的基础，我以为十多年的感情是经得起风浪的，十多年的感情是比铁还坚硬的，但是，当一个人要改变时，就算他以前怎么真心的爱着她，他还是会不顾一切的离开她。婚姻是不是不再是爱情的保障了。

我只能默默的在心里祝福这两个女人，希望她们未来是幸福的。虽我深知我的他对这婚姻是忠诚的，我深知他会持守这婚姻，但我还是每天默默的祷告，希望我们的婚姻是永恒的，我们的家庭是美满的。

朋友

2009-06-22T08:56:00.007+08:00

星期六晚，在广场看到以前的同事，礼貌似的和她打了个招呼。哪知，她却冷冷的应了一声“嗨！”。感觉很生气，转身告诉伟，早知我保持沉默就好，干吗要多此一举的跟无聊人打招呼。

人的本性也许就是这样，当你跟一个A要好时，你很自然的就会编向A, 我了解这就是人的本来天性。有时，我在想朋友如果不是将心比心，那硬把朋友冠在这人头上，也太难为她了。我，这人是心直口快的，我总是喜欢用比较理性的角度来衡段事情，也许就是因为这样，我不是那么讨人喜欢。我想，我就是这种人，这是我的本性，这就是我。我不在乎，别人怎么看我，不过我就是很讨厌别人戴颜色眼镜看我，我就是我。如果你没有办法接受我的理性，那么朋友也跟你和我扯不上什么关系.

一生中，我们也许会遇到很多很多的人，但是这些人也许不会是你的朋友，也许这些人根本不能和你扯上任何的关系。朋友，不是强求得来的伴侣，朋友，不是靠一个手掌拍得响的，朋友是相互付出的。

我，与朋友相处的方式很简单，我对朋友的一举一动也很敏感。我不会刻意的和一个朋友保持关系，我不会刻意的讨好莫个朋友，不过，我却很欢迎朋友到我心灵的家作作客，不管他们想讲什么，我都会尽量把耳朵借给他们，和他们分享喜悦，分担他们的难过。。。

也许，在莫些人眼里，我是个自私，我是个傲慢的家伙，我都不介意，我也没有办法阻止别人的想法，我还是我，反正就算我为一个无所谓的意见而伤心，不高兴，也是多此一举的。她也不会在意我的感受！与其给自己一个伤心的借口倒不如活得开心自在点！！！

我的朋友不多，但是却很感恩,总是遇到知心的, 总是遇到贴心的，我想，这样我已经满足了！

朋友，有陪伴我渡过童年的，有陪伴我渡过漫长读书生涯的，由陪伴我成长的，由陪伴我步入青年的，我都很感谢你们。这些年来，一直陪伴我走过一次有一次的高山低谷，我感动也很珍惜你们的陪伴与付出。

30 mins Dinner

2009-06-20T09:23:00.003+08:00

It's PIZZA for last night dinner as in law went for banker dinner. i bought the pizza crust from supermarket and prepared the topping myself. i can only found boneless chicken in my freezer. so decided to make barbeque chicken pizza.

this is my first try pizza and it turns to be nice according to darling. like this simple dinner time very much. normally we used to eat with in laws and we only realized it's good to have quiet and simple dinner for our own like last night. watching movie while suckling the pizza....

Alwayas in MEMORY

2009-06-18T08:41:00.027+08:00

This day is always in memory....

Lovely family shots.Parents is putting on the veilGroom arrivalIt's a mix feelings i had on that special morning. I'm feeling happy to marry a man i loved whole heartedlly and feel sad at the same time to leave my beloved family.Walking down the isles in my dad's handWedding ceremonyWedding vowshots with familiesFriendsThe two of us.Dinner receptionUnity Candle ligthing, which symbolizing marriage as “two becoming one”, the oneness in a marriage.Toasting ceremony.

is never absent in the chinese tradition wedding banquet. but our emcee use

祝福你for the first toast,

谢谢你for the second toast and

加油for the third toast.

where the third one is funny, it's meant to asking us get a baby sooner.Thanks to Melvin and his assistant, our AD photographer for the nice shots. like the smiles, it's nature and touched. Wedding, is really meant for us for where we understand and appreciated the loves from ourselves. I know mine is no longer the tradition wedding ceremony, we are married because of the passion of love. I used to be afraid of falling in love, of giving my heart away to a man. when I met him in 2005, I realized how much we could share together. We are at the right click for where we laugh together at times, we tolerate in arguements and quarrels at times, we rejoice the cares, encouragements, supports, comforts, promises along the years. and this day after the long ago dream and prayer, he holds me into his strong arms. with him i will walk my path from this day forward and our lives shall come to an end with all our honors and sincerity.

I praise God continually for you, Eddie and for your love and companionship. Thank you for being what the best you are for me throughout the first few months of our oneness life. As we grow together throughout our marriage, i hope we never realize just how high and how far of our love can be.

Why did i blog?

2009-06-16T14:53:00.004+08:00

Why did i blog? What is my purpose of blogging?

I'm Blogging to share my life with my friends, i am writing a life diary to record all my real and heart feelings. I am writing to share my happiness, sadness with those friends who are really meant to be. Jessshome is my life journal.WORDS IS THE ONLY THING WHICH CAN REALLY TOUCH MY HEART AND IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO EXPRESS MY FEELING SILENTLY. i think this is my only purpose to keep a blog. But i never meant to bring harm to a third party. it's all about my own feeling and story.

I only found out somebody is mis-used my blog. i don't know who is that unidentified person but somehow she/he is bringing harm to me and another third party. i don't understand her/his purpose and intention?! Did she/he think it's funny good way to threaten me?

I found it truly funny as this is just too childish where she/he never think of the responsibility she/he going to give in? or in the other way, they are just a bunch of irreasonable hard people whose is not considerate at all. i hope that unidentified person is reading this blog again and got to know how bad is her/him action?

Especially to the unidentified person, please stop to act in the way you like. you are bringing harm to this harmony situation. please think twice and thoroughly before you take any single step. I have my right to write something to express my happiness, sadness, silly thoughts...and even my anger here as this is blog is meant to be mine. i own this privacy to write something i like here. please don't disturb my peaceful life now. if you are meant to know my recent life, i can tell directly where i'm derserving well now!!!I am not meant to defend myself for the way i brought out my feelings in my blog as that is the presentive way of mine.according to Helen Douglas, Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains. ya, you the unidentified person, please justify your anger and manage your anger or else you are the one who wills get burn in one day!

i welcome all the readers who really have interest in reading my blog and who is really meant to share my life. for those who is not categorized as above, please dont click into my blog and you are not derserve to be my reader.

Great Gathering!

2009-06-16T10:31:00.010+08:00

We are waiting for this gathering for four years++.... read Tammy's blog before i start to write mine. i almost missed the chance to meet with them this time as we are too busy with our recent business. Darling business is running good this few weeks and our only secretary is on sick leave(went for operation) so it's just kind of hard for us to take off for few days. but luckily, parents in law took over our jobs and this gives us a chance to release our tension.

Flying to KL onn thursday night. Molly & Jeffers and Peggy & Suki picked us from Sg. Buloh on friday morning. then, we headed directly to Penang to meet up Ching & Kimseng and Tammy & Peter.

Cut the story to short and lets view our trip photo...

The five lady.

The five man.Penang Foods

Gua Tempurung, Gopeng

Silly post

Our Group
Ching & Kimseng

Peggy & Suki

Tammy & Peter

Molly & Jeffers

Jess & Eddie

We truly enjoyed the trip and appreciated this precious chance. though we can't plan forward our next gathering but i am sure there must be a chance in the coming days. they are a friend who knows the song in my heart and can sing it back to me when i have forgotten the words. From a stranger to a friend, we went through so many ups and downs, share our most perfect young day. everyone of us had turn into a mature adult now and heading to different direction. i sincerely wish that you, & you, & you, & YOU will have a blessed life and sucessful future.

DAUGTHER = DAUGTHER IN LAW?

2009-06-10T10:28:00.004+08:00

"Why daugther is different from daugther in law?"

Emily raised this question to me this morning. She has been facing the super natural conflict between mother and daugther-in-law. this is a norm for those newly wed wife. I am sure all the girls today are well pampered by their own parents and so to me too. mom nowsaday wills try to cover as much as homeworks rather than letting their beloved children to do it. and thus, most of the children nowsaday do not know how to do even a simple housework. but the situation will soon changed towards the other way when a lady is got married to a man. she got to take up all the houseworks-sweeping, mopping, cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning..... non of a girl can stands for this kind of changes in short term.

The relationship between mother and daugther in law is the hardest thing to deal with. this situation cannot be avoided altogther beacuse in the Asian culture, when a woman is married to the son of a family, her husband's mother is expected to live with the family and expected daugther in law to take over her responsibility of taking care the family.

We, as daugther-in-law have no choice but only do the part as well as you can! we cannot avoided from this so called "responsibility". I practice this by do it quietly most of the time and of course escape from doing it sometime (provided my parents in law love travelling nowsaday). this is not easy to practice. i did many complaints to darling too. he cannot helps with the complaints too. who should him sided?one is his mom and the other one is his beloved wife? i stop complaining now as i know it doesn't work.
Change, change, change.......
learn, learn, learn.....,
adapt, adapt, adapt......
i'm sure things will work out better in one day.

My mom-in-law used to be a super demanding woman due to her sucessful life in the past. she has high authority in the family. the pressure from her never stop to reach me these few years when his son dated with me on the first day. i should say i already used to her super demanding behaviour before marry to his son but the way she treats her in law is what i really endorsed. She is taking very good care of her only dad-in-law, treating him like her own father. this explained why she is hoping to get the same from me now. i am trying......at least, i am touch when my mom-in-law gave me a hug when darling is on long travelling trip just to comfort me. at least, my dad-in-law is treating me good, he wills scold everyone in the family but he never did it to me. at least, both of them is telling to others and to me too, i am their daugther.

so, i guess maybe one day the formulation will change where daugther = daugther-in-law.

the conflict and the stress is always there especially for those newly wed couple. marriage doesnt meants for the only two of you, but it's about the unite of two families. it is hard enough to get a culture balance between husband & wife, so dont think it willl be easier when come to two big families. It's actually 100...XX harder.

well, i dont meant to give any suggestion or comment on this issue here. i am just share to you the way i overcome this super natural problem.

i am sick

2009-06-09T09:36:00.004+08:00

I am falling sick today! hhmmmm.....
i have to be strong to fight the virus as i am going to fly to meet my best friend. this is the first gathering we have all the five of us. our last gathering is on my wedding day. they are flying all the way from different places in west malaysia just to share my good time.thanks alot, buddy!!
it's has been 4yrs ++ after graduation and we did meet up for few times along these years but unfortunately we hardly to meet everyone at once. and now, come the chances to see all of you again.

so God, please give me strenght too recover from my illness..
and my body immune system, please fight the virus !!!!

NoBODY

2009-06-08T10:11:00.008+08:00

I just realized i'm nobody for the group of them. well, things gonna happened in the way i never expected.

i resigned from my previous work and i am so lucky that i did it! i couldn't imagine what will happen on me if i am still with them. one's mind is out of control by the others and i have no will and no intention to change theirs but to be frankily, they shouldn't treat me in the way which is so cruel to me.

i thought i did healed my broken heart but i only found that i am over-estimated myself. things happened almost a yearr ago when i am under the stress of marrige planning. my colleague who i'd work with for the two years time betrayed me just because of her jeolousy on my promotion. she did expect to get that promotion but when the management decided to grant me this promotion she turn to be soooo...terrifying. she might smiling to me in front of the top management but tricking me badly behind them.

BE PATIENCE & FORGIVENESS~i keep remind myself to be patient and forgive her sins. but she didnt stop her bad behaviour but be so irreasonable. i am doubted why her EQ is so bad.

Let me tell the truth here....
she tries to approach the other staffs and being so well to them just to try to make bad and false gossips about me.well, i just close my ears even i heard some bad things which is absolutely not meant for me. i keep my mouth shout for the purpose that i hope she willls stop her bad behaviour when she realized in one day but she didnt.
i as a supervisor and i have every responsibility to supervise my staff and my workstation. i have every responsibility to make sure evrything going well in my workplace especially we are doing QUALITY CONTROL. i thought Quality control (QC) is a procedure or set of procedures intended to ensure that a manufactured product or performed service adheres to a defined set of quality criteria or meets the requirements of the client or customer. the extent of QC actions must be determined and real-world data must be collected. no tricks and false results can be accepted in the world of QC but they did it in the other way. she allows the trainee uses 'short-cut' in performing the training activities where i strongly disagree with this. so, you might can expect what happened in the next, the trainee complaints to management i am too strict and she cant stand for my strict-ness!!! well, i am just doing my part and trying to help the company to implement the real meaning of QC.

this is not the worst part of my 3-years remenuation at this company. the worst day comes when the irritable lady broke my stationary at my workstation and left those broken pieces and ask me to vaccum them. woW....i never realized my patience can reach that extend. i do the vaccum quietly for ths sack i want to forgive her. she press her petrol pedal hardly and trying to knock me at the company car park in the next morning. the first time i have this fear feeling , am i going to die accidently or are they going to hurt me without any notice? i dont know. she continue to behave badly by throwing my lunch box on the floor that morning. i am so lucky i keep my eye on every of her action that morning and so lucky that the cleaning aunty told me she found my lunch box on the floor. i still keep my mouth shut until danny reminds me of her intention of doing this.

i asked her nicely why she threw my lunch box and she admit did it purosely because she is not happy with me. she have no intention to apologize to me at the moment. and the worst is the other two girls are trying to cover up her bad behaviour by telling lie too. ok, that's all for my patience, i need to voice it out. i told my boss with the hope they will solve the problem for me.
but my stupid admin manager didnt solve the problem but make it worst. can you imagine, he can allows my staff scolding me in front of those top management... hohoho.... what's a stupid management!!! the old lady refuse to admit her false but telling lie again in front of them which means that everything that i told them previously isnt a fact!! i am who i am and i never telling even a small lie in front of them. i have nothing to comment if they choose to believe on hers.

she told the management she has bad mood and that's why she is trying to knock me that morning! is bad mood can be a reason for you to hurt one's life? can her EQ being that low? i dont understand. my stupid manager come out with no solution. i still remember i keep my mouth shut for thhe whole meeting session just to listen what's their comments. i wrap the meeting with only one sentence~ well, i have nothing to comment since they are a bunch of liar, i just want to do my part well. you are the one that promote me and give me this authority to supervise this section and i have every responsibility on every single aspect of QC jobs and i have to make sure evrything running well under my supervision. if they cant agree with my way of supervision, please do whatever they want but ii will not take any responsibility on their fault in one day. i am just coming here to work but not selling my life to this company. please help me to ensure my safety at this workplace as you might cant explain to my family or my fiancee what happened on me if i lost my life or get hurt here in one day!!!

and the stupid admin manager talk to me personallly later. he said this which i absolutely cant agree with. he said , i am sure things happened for a reason. and i did expect this wills happen in one day but doesnt realized it can be that soon. she is behaving like this just because she cant accept the fact you are being promoted. she has been working for us for three years but we didnt promote her when every supervisor left. due to her qualification. please be understand that she need a way to release her anger...BLAblabla....

BULLSHIT!!! you got to tell her about this but not saying this to me. you have to explain the situation and reason to her but not trying to cover her bad behaviour to me.

i still survive for another 8months ++ in this company where eddie really cant agree with my plan and decision to continue my service with them. it's too dangerous and meaningless according to him. i even cant understand my decision at time too. maybe it's for the sack of money? maybe is for the sack of my strong charracter?but to be honest, the one that keep me goes on my worklife as usual is the strenght from God. i know he wills guide me and protect me through all the ups and downs and he is giving me the chance to forgive them.

thanks God that, everything is over and i need not to work with this bunch of people anymore. it's part of my life and this doesnt meant to kill me but keep me strong! and thanks God that my husband can supports my life and being very supportive when i decided to send in my resign letter.

Goodbye and i wish you all can work peacefully with this weird lady!!

honestly, the thorn is still there and my heart have not healed yet. it takes time and i hope i can really forgive her in one day.

六月天

2009-06-05T09:09:00.026+08:00

又是六月天了，天空变得好蓝，气候变得好干好热。

时间总是匆匆忙忙的过去。从单身走进婚姻，从别人的女朋友变成人家的老婆，从忙碌的工作退了下来，从一个被宠惯的孩子变成别人的媳妇，从一个饭来张口吃饱只会溜去看电视的孩子变成每天放工就的做饭洗碗扫地檫地板的女人。。。。半年来，我只可以说，这是我的实应期。生活的巨大改变，往往都还没走过来。

第一次，体验自己过年。还有点不习惯，往年总是趁着新年假期往外跑，去见见朋友。而今年，就只有看家的份。往年总是笑嘻嘻的收下红包，今年却要派红包。我想，这是一个难忘的新年，开放我们的家让朋友，亲戚相聚，除了可以与人分享新年的喜悦，更是一个机会，让我们两好好的享受二人世界，毕竟结婚后各忙各的，彼此都忙碌的实应新的生活，这样的一个长假反让我们真正的体验婚后的生活。

情人节，结婚后的第一个情人节，那一天我们飞到上海，在飞机里度过我们的情人节。

这个上海-杭州之旅，有好像回到我们的蜜月旅行不过，唯一不同的是，伟他没有全程陪伴我，他因公作需要先离队把我一个人留在团里，第一次一个人旅行，感觉好闷孤单。。情人-夫妻，是不是有很大的区别呢？我想，表面上，是有一个区别，但是结婚后我反发现，他变得更像我的情人了，以往总是三两天闹小别扭，现在只有我在闹，他反而变得更加温柔了。有种被疼爱的感觉。

三月，是我们俩的生日。我和他都是三月生的，一个在头一个在尾，所以三月只有不同的庆祝不同的晚餐！

四月，我离开了忙碌的工作回到家庭。这是一个痛苦的决定，毕竟我不想这么快回归家庭生活，我想多在外工作几年。但是因为健康的因素，我离开了。也许，我早该离开那了，一个是非多多，人心诡诈的工作坏境。不管表现得再怎么好，不管老板多赏识工作表现，不管我的宽容心再怎么大，她们只会在你背后给你插一刀，让你鲜血直流。离开后，最不舍的是那份很高的薪水，还有老板的赏识。不过，现在每天早上起来，我的心异常的平静与轻松，我不再需要面对那一群戴着面具的下属了。终于，我找回了那一个快要在是非地遗失的自己。

把留了整十年的长发剪短了，没有其他特别的原因，只想看看短发的自己。五月，是一个新的开始。开始走进老公的工作，一起上班一起放工，其实我并不喜欢我此时的工作，但是如果没有这个开始的勇气，我想可能我永远都不会像现在这样贴近他的工作，永远都没办法分享他谈成生意后的那份喜悦。

六月，就快进入下一个半年了。心情就像天空一样，蓝蓝的，感觉时间走得太快了。。。

I'M BACK

2009-06-04T10:58:00.006+08:00

Yo...Finally, i am back.
The feeling of coming home is great. We are away from home for one week and we just cant wait this day~ we want to go home.
We left home on last wednesday morning. this is the first time i travel with darling for business purpose. well, most of the time, i am staying in the hotel watching tv and playing game. cant online due to the lousy internet connection in P hotel.
actually darling finished his work on saturday afternoon but we still staying back for another 4 nights to attend one of our church member wedding ceremony. woo....thiss gonna kill me. Sibu is a small city and we really out of idea where to kill our boringness.

We went for a movie show on saturday night. woo... it's an old cinema and this is the first time i'm watching movie in this old type cinema since 10++yrs ago. i am curious why sibu people are watching movie with a big umbrella along for the fact the weather is good outside. and they never aware of the notice~ PLEASE SILENT YOUR HP DURING MOVIE. they are still using hp during the show and their voice is to loud. we keep doing sigh....haiz..maybe this is their culture!

the trip is all about Foods. found some nice korean and japanese food in Sibu. overally, the food there is quite good and the price is much cheaper than kuching. but i really dont like Kampua. i still prefer kolomee which i had two after back to kuching(1 for dinner and 1 for breakfast).I guess i am a typical kuching people who cant survive without kolomee.

Wan hong brings us to a park at sg merah~ 石山公园. good place for jogging but lack of maintenance. he brought us many delicious local foods too. thank you, WH.

well, attending Tony & Ivy wedding lunch is our perpose for staying back for another 4 nights. here comes to their wedding lunch. this is the first time i attending the wedding lunch afterall. the feeling is weird. i ahve so many first time experiences...

attending wedding lunch for the first time,

attending a banquet where both different group of host sharing a same hall without any partition,

seeing two groups of host sharing a same stage,

the other host is actually celebrating thier mom's 90yrs old birthday and they are singing the birhtday song and cutting cake on the satge while our host(the groom and the bride ) are enjoying the cold dish in front of them, how weird!!!

come to the karaokeing session, we even dont know which host the singer are going to dedicated to...,

the other host is having tosting session where we all sitting and enjoying our lunch, we really have no idea who they are tosting with....

but the most weird part is, the two families of our host is sitting at the different VIP table. the groom family at one VIP table while the bride's family is on another VIP table. the groom and the bride is shift from groom VIP table to Bride VIP table after few dishes...haha!!! so weird! and so special!! i am curious why they dont want to share the same table since they are doing a combined lunch.

Anyway, banquet is just a part of wedding. the process and life in the marriage is the real purpose of the unite of two souls.

may God blesses Tony & Ivy along their new life!

Congratulation, Peggy

2009-06-03T09:08:00.004+08:00

A very great congratulation to Peggy.

Congratulation on your pharmacist graduation.

she used to be my coursemate in TARC and decided to take up another course after graduate from Tarc and now she did it.

Peggy, i wish you all the best with your nes journey now!!!

Sarikei-Sibu trip

2009-05-28T10:11:00.004+08:00

Darling is on another business trip again this week but this time he bring me along. It could be quite bored for me though but i am sure it's better than staying home alone.

We are driving all the way from Kuching to Sibu. Darling is dropping by along the journey to visit his prospective clients. i am staying in the car for the whole travelling trip this morning. listen to THIS I PROMISE YOU by N-SYNC and looking at the scene outside is a wonderful experienced.

i guess it's good as i can still blogging in the car now.

I mISSED U!

2009-05-21T15:52:00.003+08:00

The world seems to be depopulated when you are missing. My mind sets no way and just thinking of you. If I will get a flower every time I missed you, I am sure I enjoy walking in the garden now.

I hope to meet you again tomorrow and make this short absence a sweet memory.

This is the day i long for some times......

A Terrible nIGHT

2009-05-20T10:53:00.004+08:00

I would say it's a terrible night for last night where i locked all my keys in my bedroom. I plan to go Mom's place after dinner but then i only realized that i have no keys with me when i close the back door in my kitchen..

OMG! all the spare keys are in my bedroom too. normally we will have a pair of keys kept downstair but due to Darling's is away for business trip and for safety i keep all the keys upstair. i nearly lost all my consciousness. All the question starring in mind and the only option i can thought of is calling darling ask for help.

Darling is always very calm and steady and tought me the way to open it through hp. I will save my long elaboration here but somehow i am using a hard plactic file cover to open the door. I manage to open the door sucessfully after a 15 mins try. Thank God!

well, it's another reason to comfort me not to solitude isolate myself when darling is away. I should be more independence and use to his frequent travelling schedule.

It's another way God show me his helpful hand where He always give me protection in the way i never expected. He always taking good care of me especially when i need him.

ps~Tammy, thank you so much for the concern. yeah, i should be more careful next time and take good care of myself.

Rainy Night

2009-05-19T08:43:00.008+08:00

I like raining, especially rainy night. I like the smell, the feel, the sound when water fall on the roof, the crisp air after. So natural, yet so supernatural. And it's so effortlessly romantic especially you are accompany by the right person. I like the town on rainy nights .The street turn to be a shinning star when the light irridiating the wet street, wet building, wet car windscreen, wet windows....All the lights are upside-down, and the town turn to be a looking glass. it's beautiful. The busy city has now become a fairy city!

Listening to the pitter-patter raindrops is another great feeling for us in the rainy night. When the night raining comes with thunder storm, the night would turn to be so secure as we are well covered by a roof. It's just another reason for us to fell asleep easily.

But, it's definitely not for tonight. I just sent darling to airport. He is on business travelling trip to Bintulu and Miri. He will be away for this week. The sky outside was dark, and the evening become so silent and lonely. The raindrops start falling from the sky and they hit my car windscreen. I'm driving to where i am going to survive alone for the coming few days. All of a sudden, i hate this raining night. it's just ruin all my consciousness and tend to be so down about the lonely night.

This is not the first time darling away for business trip but somehow i just feel so down to send him away. the emptiness and quietness turn to be more empty and more quiet. i am afraid of it. Watching tv while doing ironing alone in living room, i thought it wonld be better to kill the loneliness. but it's not!

i hate to be alone!

i hate this lonely rainy night!

i hate darling's frequent business trip!

i hate watching tv programme and doing ironing alone at home tonight!

i hate sleeping alone where he is not holding my hand and held me close to him!

i hate to sleep with only my teddy bear and darling's pillow!

i hate to put on the blanket myself!

i hate to wake up with nobody beside! it's a fear when i found i am alone in the midnight-mare!

i am truly in the state of being alone in salitary isolation.

Butter-Almond Cupcake

2009-05-16T22:31:00.005+08:00

I decided to make another try for cupcake making tonight since Darling is watching Sudiman match.

Got this recipe from internet.

Butter-alomond Cupcake

Ingredients:

1. 180g sifted cake flour

2. 2 teaspoon baking powder

3. some salt

4. 1 cup sugar

5. 150g softened butter

6. 3 eggs

7. 2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract (i use vanilla essence)

8. 1 cup milk

Method:

1. preheat the oven to 180 degree celcius

2. grease the bottom of cupcake pan and line with waxed cup

3. sifted together flour, baking powder and salt, set aside

4. cream sugar and butter until light

5. add eggs and vanilla essence to the creamed mixture and beat until thoroughly mixed

6. add flour mixture to creamed mixture which alternately add milk

7. beat until all the mixture is thoroughly mixed

8. pour into waxed cup, fill each cup with 3/4 full

9. bake 25-30mins

10. cool 10mins in pan, and decorate

Well,i guess this try is better than previously. but the bad thing is the waxed cup that i had is too small and i can only replaced it by muffin cup. and i thought i will fail again and thus didnt prepare icing to decorate it.

i will try again next time....

X-Men origin: Wolverine

2009-05-14T08:21:00.008+08:00

We went for a movie again last night~X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Basically, it's neither the worst nor the best movie that i have watched this year. Not suprising that it's just another Comic origins movie.

I will save my elaboration here. i just like one of the quote in the movie where Kayla Silverfox ask Logan: Do you know why the moon is so lonely? and she continues to tell him this beautiful Native American legend. A wolverine and the moon were in love, but a trickster (moon) fooled the wolverine into leaving the spirit realm to collect flowers for the her. The wolverine didn't realize he can never return to the moon afterwards, and thus leaving the moon lonely.

I guess their love is the special part of this movie for me. i like the way they carried out the loves and cares to each other. it's just like their words seem to have power in each other. He is volunteer to become a X-weapoon because of her dead. i have no idea who will be the trickster or who will be the moon. but i am sure there is one thing we should learn from this story DON'T TRY TO TRICK SOME ONE YOUR CARE AND LOVE AS YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME WIL TURN TO BE.

5.12, a day in MEMORY

2009-05-12T16:23:00.005+08:00

5.12 is a day in memory. It is sad but through the incident we see the strength of life.
found this touching song's lyrics that made soon after the earthquake hit.

The chorus:
You grabbed my hanD

and I grabbed the strength of life

I know you definitely will not give up,

will not give up

will not give up every strand of hope

You grabbed my hand

and I grabbed the strength of life

I know I definitely can,

I definitely can

I definitely can be stronger.

We cannot change the incident, we cannot change the history.but there is one thing we can do~~~~~ PLEASE PRAY FOR THE VICTIMS AND PRAY FOR OUR SICKED WORLD TOO.

and do remember, there is always a HOPE in the coming tomorrow.

LoNG WEEkEND.....

2009-05-08T10:43:00.004+08:00

It's a BIG YEAH for this moment!!!
Finally, it's Friday. Everything about Friday is great and wonderful. The greater thing is i am on half day leave for this afternoon and the greatest thing is we will have a long weekend break for this week. Workload seem to be ok for today
Mood swinging with today's agenda:
1) going to mom's place after work
2) tonight's seafood dinner cum movie
3) tomorrow church dinner
it's time to relax. It's time to stretch....

I am in the happy mood
I am in the excited mood
not because i am funny happy
not because i am granted with a special prize
just because i am joyfully happy

just because i am blessfully happy

Happy as i have good and lovely families
Happy as i am no longer bored at home
Happy as i have got my new job
Happy as i am going to enjoy my long weekend!

It's another DAy.....

2009-05-07T17:06:00.006+08:00

It's another day...

Nothing special to blog for today.

I started my new job on monday and this is my fourth day with CWE. I should say it's another new start for me. Since i was doing lab work and dealing with chemical all this while and now i have to shift myself to the mechanical based business....WOw.....it's my hard time again.

Our only secretary is on sick leave on the second day after i reported myself to the company. and Boss(who is my darling too) asked me to prepare the invoice...Wowww...this could be a really HARD WORK. I never use type writer before and now i got to prepare the things with typewriter..still remember David, my typewriter tutor for that morning is very disappointing when he see the way i type....

the first piece, it's a failure!

he took over my job and type for me...

i guess he must be laughing at me quietly when he go to toilet.

anyway, after few trying and now i can be very fast and confident in the typing.

it's not the tough job. but i really dont understand our BIG boss (who is my dad-in-law too) never feel like changing the system and always asking us to learn using the old typewriter...it's just wasting too much of time for typing the same thing repeatedly. maybe he doesnt aware to the new technology where pc has high work performance.

I am a chemical based student and now i am doing web page designing everyday.. i really have no idea with those computer specific terms. anyway, i hope they wouldn't drive me crazy.

and now, it's the wonderful time. it's time to go home now.